Today started off quite differently heading off for chemo. You see, as I have previously mentioned, I had something quite exciting to look forward to, the excitement and expectation of my weekend coming up was something to focus on and take my mind off the needles, chemo and cancer in general. I was leaving the house this morning packed for a few days away, so coming with me to chemo was my suitcase, passport and hand luggage, all in preparation for four days away with 7 other women who have become friends through friends, if you get my meaning. First and foremost was the stop at St Anne's ward in St. Vincent's Hospital. So body of mine, off to battle we go!
Gerry and the boys waved Suzanne and myself off at approximately 8:00 am. I was dropped at the hospital and settled in for the rest of the day. Today the nurses were going to try and administer the chemotherapy through the port that had been inserted into me some five weeks previously. As you will recall, this port was not able to be used the last time here as there was far too much bruising and extensive swelling around it. I was really hoping that today would be more successful. I checked in at the receptions and was called through shortly afterwards. I went into the treatment room and took my seat. Julie was looking after me today. She was very friendly and put me at ease. She looked at the area where the port is situated and took out all the necessary 'bits and pieces' to attach me up to the chemo drip via said port. The aim of the port is to have the chemotherapy administered directly into a main vain without having to have the discomfort of the cannula inserted each time if you have weak veins and if those weak veins have a tendency to collapse. That can be quite painful, and a tad frightening when the chemo leaks out... YIKES!
The needle that goes into the port is much shorter than that of the cannula that is inserted into your arm or back of the hand etc, however it is also quite thicker. Having a cannula inserted is not too bad in all reality. The needles are quite thin and there is minor discomfort. The skin in the area is also 'hardier'. The skin where the port is situated is like a membrane. It appears thinner and more sensitive and it is pierced by a shorter and much thicker needle. I was not expecting the initial discomfort, as my personal interpretation of having a port inserted meant that it would be taking those discomforts away. How wrong was I? ... Anyway I am digressing, The port area was cleaned and the needle pushed in (not unlike a thumb tack) into the button shape centre of the port. Now, what is supposed to happen is a flow of blood from the port down into the tubing that attaches to the chemo drip. This is an indication that the port is working and that the main vein has been accessed. Did this blood make an appearance? ... We are talking about me here... You guessed it..... No it did not! This was something of a concern to the nurse, who decided that a cannula would need to be inserted into the underside of my left forearm, this area being chosen as there was not a sign of another accessible vein to be found. Once again, the digging around with the needle to find a vein began. After a while and feeling very concerned about me, my nurse sought the help and advise of another nurse. Another came over followed by another. The third nurse said "Hi Elaine, now what is happening with this port, Why is it not being used?" I smiled and laughed and told the nurse that I had no idea. Once again very friendly she said, "Well I am going to try to access it, in fact I will get it working, this is my area of expertise!" I recalled the last attempt and could feel the beads of sweat quickly forming over my forehead, under my armpits and across the top of my head, worse still these could be seen by all now that I have no hair to cover it. I took a tissue and discreetly wiped my head and face while the nurse prepared all the parts needed for this job. All too soon she was back swabbing the port area and said, "OK Elaine, take a deep breath, hold it..." POP, I felt the needle pierce my skin and dive into the centre of the port - ruby red blood flowed into the tubing. It was pushed centre on and was now leading directly into my main vein. The discomfort was only for a very short time, it was more the apprehension and fear of it not working that had me worked into a sweat. Soon the Chemo was attached and into the vein it flowed. The day followed it's usual routine with the Anti-sickness being administered first, followed by first chemo bag, then the flush, the second chemo bag followed by the final flush. It actually went quite smoothly without a hitch. The only delay was waiting for the changing of the bags. This however cannot be helped because there are a surprising number of people needing chemo and the nurses in all honesty are totally run off their feet. So waiting for a bag to be changed is not a big issue. The fact it all ran so smoothly was a bonus. I was also finished two hours earlier than I would normally be. Chemo runs through the port much quicker than it does through the vein in the arm because if your veins are weak, the speed of the drip has to be slowed down to avoid rupture or collapsing of the vein, hence the lengthy time having it administered.... Yup, I think I will keep this port....
As this session of chemo was drawing to and end, I chatted to a couple of people there, one young girl who was on her final chemo and totally delighted. She is studying in college and please God, this is the end of one road for her and the start of a bright new future. Then there was the elderly lady who had lost her parking ticket on her way to chemo, a quick call to the parking attendants office sorted that out for her. I was then 'unhooked' and went to call Suzanne who was returning to the hospital to pick me up. On my way walking through the treatment room, I nodded and smiled at faces I recognised from my previous two visits, I stopped and chatted to Kim, the mother of one of my son's friends who I only met through going to hospital for chemo. We chatted and had a quick catch up. Then I smiled at a couple who kept looking at me as though they knew me. I must have seemed so ignorant! I smiled back and the young woman looked at me sadly and pointed to her head. The penny dropped, this is the couple who were sitting alongside me three weeks ago, I had a bottle of orange juice that I was struggling to open. I was twisting it like mad and it was one of those bottles that just would not budge. The young man next to me asked me in broken English if I needed help. I smiled handed him the bottle and he opened it up. His partner and I smiled at each other and I thanked them. That afternoon had passed quietly with little said other than polite nods and smiles. His wife had long blond beautiful hair. Today she was unrecognisable and looked so sad. I smiled and apologised... now how do you react in these situations.... I went with the only way I know.... I whipped off my hat and displayed my shiny bald bonce... "Hey there, you've joined the cool group... We don't have a bald head at all, Its a solar panel for a sex machine!" ... Thank you God, it lightened the mood, it made them both laugh, and a few others besides. I went over and told her that she looked great.
I bid farewell to my fellow fighters and left the treatment room, taking with me a sadness, a heaviness in my chest at the cruelty of cancer and the aggressiveness of the treatments needed to get rid of it. I had a tissue and wiped the corner of my eyes at tears that wanted to leak out. This was not the time or the place to get emotional, I was about to head off now for another adventure, much to the worry of family both here in Ireland and at home in Wales. Was I being selfish jetting off across Europe having cancer and just having had my chemo treatment? Could I call this fighting cancer? If I didn't go was I letting cancer dictate how I live? Was I trying to prove that despite cancer I could still 'be me'? Despite all these questions right now, I just wanted to board that plane and leave cancer and everything that goes with it behind!
Suzanne arrived at the hospital. We were having a meal out in Dublin tonight and all going to the airport for early hours in the morning. A table had been booked at Fire, and a lovely meal was enjoyed. I had my steak cooked medium/rare as this gave off some taste. Since I have been having chemo, my biggest problem is not being able to enjoy any food or drink as everything has lost its taste. There are foods where I can get a slight taste off, but they are few and far between. The steak served was lovely and tender with just the right amount of juice and the feint taste was so welcome.
We finished up and headed back to the hotel. There was an early start, taxis had been booked and a plane would be waiting to be caught... we were going to Budapest.
Budapest here we come!
I was up early after the reception called with the wake up call. I was washed, dressed and down in the reception quicker than anything. I could not wait to go. We climbed into the taxi and headed off. I soon came to the conclusion that the person driving the taxi could also possibly be doubling as pilot, I swear the thought he was driving for Air Lingus. We arrived from the centre of Dublin and at the departure lounge of Dublin Airport in just under 15 min. Apparently he was running late.... I'm just glad we landed there safely :-/
We all sat and had our photograph taken as a group before checking in to board the plane. We headed to the check in desk and then went through to the departure lounge. I had been given masks by the hospital to wear on the flight as they were concerned with the possibility of me catching germs from others on the plane. The fact that chemo lowers your immune system makes you very susceptible to catching things much easier so all precautions were to be put into place to keep me healthy and happy. The thing is how was I going to eat my M&Ms? Breathing through the mask wasn't too difficult, and neither was sneaking in the odd M&M... mind you there was not much eating, as getting up so early had me quite tired and I was soon nodding off after take off. The flight went very smoothly and before I knew it we were getting ready to descend at Budapest airport. Tables were put up, seats upright, belts on ... and in we came for the landing. Once we were stopped, coats and hats were donned and when off the plane and the bus, my mask came off. Phew... normality! ...
We entered the country and caught a taxi that brought us straight to the apartment. We were centrally situated and close to all the amenities of the city. The buildings were breath taking and the architecture was just something the behold. It was beautiful. We put all our luggage into the apartment and our first job of the day was to find our bearings. The second was to try and procure tickets to the Hungarian State Opera House to see the Nutcracker. Unfortunately the tickets had been sold out. This was a disappointment. We strolled around the opera house taking in it's beauty. The ceilings were beautiful, the marble and the wood and brass everywhere just took your breath away. We visited the gift shop and went back to the ticket office to ask if there were any cancellations etc. There was no joy whatsoever. Oh well, never mind. We can fill our time with visiting all the other exciting places Budapest has to offer. We strolled down the main streets, taking in the sights. There were so many sculptures and works of art around. The different promotions for Ballet, Opera, and theatres of all kinds gave you a great insight into the cultural side of Budapest. On saying that it should, many of the great musicians, come from Europe and have played in Hungary. Their busts and statues can be seen all around the Opera House.
Full view of the front of the Hungarian State Opera House
Statues of the great masters and musicians who have contributed
to the world of classical music, ballet and arts that we enjoy today
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| Deirdre enjoying the view |
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| The Big Wheel |
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| Olive and Irene enjoying the view |
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| St Stephen's Basilica |
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| Not sure where but a beautiful view. |
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| Freedom Bridge |
By the time we had come off the wheel, our other four travelling companions had wondered on down through the Market. It was getting cooler now and we were heading for tea time. Stomachs were becoming a bit rumbly. We all agreed to go to a restaurant (I think it was called ES). It was lovely both inside and out. Everywhere was very clean. We decided that this is where we were going to have our tea. I decided to bite the bullet and try a beer. Yes alcohol had a rotten taste mixed with chemo, but I had a bit of a thirst. We ordered our meal and I ordered a local beer. Granted I did not get the full taste of the beer, but it made a change to be able to drink one. I got a feint taste of hops and it was OK. Whilst we were sitting waiting for our food to be ordered, Suzanne revealed what she had been doing while four of us were on the wheel and while three were shopping. She had returned to where we had purchased the tour tickets. She had spoken to the man selling them and asked about tickets for the Ballet. He informed her that there certainly would be tickets available and how to get them. Back to the opera house she went and spoke to the woman behind the desk. This time Suzanne came away with 8 tickets for The Nutcracker, not only that, but they were box seats too. We were delighted, this was going to be a new experience for us all. Fantastic, and thank you Suzanne. The food arrived and was just the ticket too, everybody enjoyed what they ate and once sated, off we went again back around the markets. The sights, colours, lights and whole atmosphere was lovely.
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| Yup, that is the beer ;) |
The only problem was that we had been on our feet for a while, and I was getting very tired. This was the one draw back of travelling with cancer. When your body says rest, that is exactly what you have to do otherwise you will truly end up quite unwell. Suzanne was great and escorted me back to the apartment. We caught a 'taxi bike' some poor lad cycling us two 'lightweights' through the streets of Budapest. We stopped him when we knew where we were and headed to the apartment. I was shattered at this stage and once inside got into my bed and slept. I slept for the entire night, curled in the same balled shape that I had fallen asleep in.
Saturday and Sunday flew by in a blur. There was the mixture of site seeing, shopping, visiting the ice bar, meals out, going to the pub boat on the Danube, riding the Christmas Tram... However the highlight was definitely the Ballet. The wonderful experience on the Saturday night of attending a live ballet in the Hungarian State Opera house. The opulence and splendour was just amazing. The performance of all the dancers was superb. Seeing the Ballet performed to the classical music of Tchaikovsky was an experience I will never forget. Having a box seat was an added bonus too. Suzanne, Mary, Carol and Myself shared one box, while Deirdre, Olive, Irene and Ber shared the other. It was the icing on the cake for me. I am sure that the girls agree too. The Ballet was followed by a meal in a small bistro that we found en route back to the apartment.
The whole weekend just flew, in fact, it feels almost like a dream that I was there at all. I had an amazing time. I will be adding a link to a page that will have a collection of photographs from our trip. Just so that you can experience some of the beautiful sights that I have been lucky to experience this past weekend.
I have tried to avoid focusing on the cancer in this part of my blog as I wanted to share a part of my experience of my weekend away, to demonstrate that cancer has not taken hold of my whole existence. But, in reality it has. For a short while, I could focus on something else, I could enjoy new sites, cultures and art. Fun times with old and new friends. Laugh, shop, site see and be 'normal'. What I couldn't do was be the 'old' Me. Be in the heart of the laughter, late nights or banter. Cancer did have me utterly exhausted at the end of each day. It was early nights because my body and mind could not function otherwise. The tiredness effected my speech and ability to focus on conversations. I did not feel ill, but I did feel utterly drained. On the Monday, we headed to the airport. We were early enough to get a breakfast. On finishing the breakfast, I felt a popping sensation below my left jaw up to my ear. This appeared to be a swollen gland. Thankfully by the time we were boarding and flying home it had reduced greatly. It has not given me any more problems and appears to have gone. I have not gone to the doctor about it simply because it is not there anymore. I will do should it happen again or if I should become unwell. I feel this was due to sheer exhaustion. Do I feel that I did the right thing travelling with cancer and seeing the sites etc.? Indeed I do. I just have to ensure that I listen to my body, something I did do for the whole weekend. But no matter what you do, the tiredness is just draining.
I just want to add to this blog, a massive thank you to Suzanne, Mary, Carol, Deirdre, Ber, Olive and Irene who took great care and concern for me over the weekend. They ensured that I was OK and nothing was an inconvenience. You are a great bunch and I'm looking forward to future adventures.
I also want to thank my husband and entire family for not nagging me not to go, but for encouraging and supporting me. For keeping tabs on me daily ensuring and reminding that meds were being taken. Thank you Everyone :)
As it states in the name of this post in my blog, fear has two meanings:
Forget
Everything
And
Run
OR
Face
Everything
And
Rise
The choice is mine. I think I know which choice I made this past weekend! Go on folks, get out there and FACE IT!
Feel free to view more of my Budapest adventure here.:
Glad you had a fantastic time sis you certainly deserve it xxxxx
ReplyDeleteIt was great Sis, but exhausting to say the least. See you soon. x
ReplyDelete