Life is About Moving On, Accepting Changes and Looking Forward to What Makes You Stronger and More Complete!

New Year and the few days that followed:

Hello 2016!

New Year and ringing in 2016 with my family was a huge success. We were all up at Roy's house and my Nephew, Andrew, had gone to great expense and organisation in preparing the fireworks for ringing in the new year. He has a great interest in pyrotechnics. Something I feel he would be really good at. Roy and Fran had prepared a lovely buffet, with a huge pot of curry and rice and also a turkey casserole prepared by Fran's Uncle. Diane had made a quiche and also a meringue, while Mum made her signature dish of Potatoe Salad. There was so much food, and all of it lovely. I decided that Capt. Morgan would be my poison for the night, and Sarah, Dafydd's girlfriend introduced me to 'Cubans'. Delicious to say the least. The night was filled with laughter and fun, conversation and reminiscence. At midnight Andrew lit up the skies around Old Colwyn with the most amazing display of fireworks I have ever seen outside of a professional display. Well done Andrew, you made us all so proud of you. My photographs of the fireworks do not do the display justice. All too soon the night ended and we all headed home. I hope that 2016 is a good year for us all. 

New Year's Day was a big family affair with all of us, once again at Mum and Dad's where we had a beautiful meal prepared by Mum, and relaxed from the night before. 

On Saturday evening, Roy had rung up and asked if I wanted to go for a run in his new car. Indeed I did. Roy and I had not spent much time together to have a catch up. He picked me up and we drove to Llandudno. I spotted an antiques shop that was still open. We stopped the car and got out to peruse the interesting items found in this treasure trove of history. I often look at goods whether they be furniture or items of jewellery and wonder if they could speak, what stories they could tell us. There were clocks, trunks, heavy wooden units with intriguing carvings, silver hairbrush sets and locked boxes and cases of all sorts of varieties. We left there and looked into the window of an antique jewellery shop. The diamonds glittered and the gold shone, so did the prices. A gold fob with lapis lazuli, Cornelion and Jade stones caught my eye. I like fobs and have always wanted one like this. 

"... It is £195 love, but if you want it I can do it for £150!"

A woman standing outside the shop smoking called over to me, strange how the smell of cigarettes churns my stomach now. I nodded and smiled and said that I would talk to my husband. Roy and I headed back to the car. We headed up to Lladudno Junction where we picked up a chippy from Enoch's, then stopped to pick up a Chinese in Penrhyn Bay for Roy and Fran and finally we stopped at Aydin's Eatery in Colwyn Bay for their very tasty kebabs for Gerry, Myself and Joe. Jim decided the chippy was his meal of choice tonight. We then headed back to  Mum and Dad's after having a lovely catch up, stroll out and run in the car

The rest of the weekend flew by. On the Sunday I had pre-booked a table at 'The Black Lion' in Llanfairtalahairn. The 15 of us were going there for lunch to round of an incredible Christmas and New Year spent together.  Sixteen years since we had all seen each other over Christmas and spent any time together. Sixteen years, all this had been arranged last Christmas, little did I know then that I would be bringing a dark shadow with me, that uninvited guest called cancer.  I did my level best not to dwell on the cancer this festive season, but it was always there like a little gremlin hiding in the dark, always there to waiting pop into my mind as I tried falling asleep each night. Always there with that evil ability to make you cry quietly at night when everyone was asleep. Silent tears, silent worry and silent fear. 

Sunday was a lovely day, yes it was grey and windy, but that was not an issue. We were all together and heading off for our lunch out. The Black Lion was lovely, the food was delicious and the company was just perfect. We all had a lovely meal. I also had the added pleasure of trying 'Black Dragon' a Welsh produced Cider. 'Oh Yes!' it certainly hit the spot. A perfect traditinally tasting, refreshing beverage. So good in fact, I purchased four further bottles to enjoy when  back in Ireland.  After our meal, we left and took all the cars home. Diane drove us all to the Marine, where we spent a couple of hours laughing, joking and watching football. At one point a gentleman approached me. Apparently he had been watching me during the afternoon. He had approached my brother too and asked about me, I guess the hair, or lack of it, is a dead give away when it comes to this cancer. I have refused to hide behind hats and wigs. Well, this gentleman came up to me and was so kind that he almost had me reduced to tears. He bent low so that I could hear him;

"... You are an inspiration, an amazing lady. I have watched  you all afternoon, you have laughed, joked and smiled all afternoon. You truly are an inspiration, I am very honoured to have met you... "

The lovely accolades went on, and as he left he asked me one thing;

"... all I ask is that you don't grow more hair than me!"

lol, Sir I don't know your name but unfortunately that is not a promise I can keep. Whoever you are, you don't know just how much you made my day on Sunday the 3rd January. Thank you so much. You see, I was returning to Ireland on the Monday and facing major surgery on the Tuesday. At this point of the weekend, much of my laughter was very much bravado and trying to keep a lid on the urge to scream and cry "Why me... why the hell did this have to happen to me?"

Monday arrived far too quickly. Naturally the last thing that I wanted was to leave my family, my wonderful, supporting and loving family, my towers of strength and my companions in laughter. It was time for Gerry, Joe, Jim and myself to bid our Welsh home goodbye for now and return to our home in Ireland. A home that is equally full of love and laughter, but missing our Amy and a few other folk. We all tried to keep things light and tear free. Gerry, the boys and I packed the car earlier in the morning so that we could avoid a last minute panic. We then relaxed over a lovely big breakfast prepared by Dad for our last morning there. Diane and Andrew called down to see us off. We sat quietly, nobody knew really what to say as everyone was feeling that horrid feeling when you have to say bye bye to folk knowing it is going to be a while before you see them again. We were leaving at 11:30 a.m. as we had to be at the port an hour before the actual sailing. Roy rang to say that he was on his way to the house as he was picking up window cleaning scrims from Northern Potteries for Gerry. Roy arrived at the house just before 11:00 am with both Ella and Ffion. Mum called me and told me that Roy wanted to see me. I nipped up to him. Roy presented me with a little blue velvet box, inside the box was the lovely fob I had seen the previous Saturday. What a beautiful surprise;

"... Im telling you Sis, that belonged to a really wealthy old fella, who had a long life and all his good luck is going to be passed on to you..." 

... said Roy. Regardless of the history of the piece Roy had purchased for me, for us it will always carry good luck because of the love that went into buying it for me. Thank you Roy. I now had two pieces to bring into hospital with me. Roy's Fob and Diane's Blaket. Yes Surrounded by love indeed.

We gathered around the dining room table and looked up the meaning of the stones in the fob. Yes indeed all of them carry some good fortune and health. All too soon it was time for us to leave. We bid our farewells and yes tears were shed. We got on the road and headed to Holyhead. We checked in and boarded our ferry. I had booked us into Stena Plus, and so we all took our seats and hunkered down for the three and a half hour journey. I fell fast asleep and slept for most of the trip back. Just after five we were docking in North Wall. Right of heavy traffic time. The journey home to Arklow took us just under an hour and 45 minutes and we were back in the house by seven that evening. Besides unpacking, which I didn't get round to doing, all I had to do was pack a bag for tomorrow, D-Day. Yup nerves were starting to make an appearance.

Tuesday 5th January 

Day of Surgery

This morning I left the boys sleeping in bed. They had had a long journey and a tiring night. School isn't starting until tomorrow. I said bye to them last night and told them not to get up this morning. Gerry and  l left the house at 6:00am. We were both quiet and apprehensive as to what the day would bring. I had recieved many good luck wishes via facebook, WhatsApp, and text messages. We arrived at the car park in St. Vincent's hospital. Gerry waved and indicated for me to pull into the space next to this large car, it was Suzanne, she had arrived at the hospital to keep Gerry company while I was in surgery. It was a good thing that Suzanne had arrived, the previous day Gerry had pulled something in his back while unloading the car and was unable to help me with my bag. Suzanne carried the bag, while I carried the laptop and my blanket. I had also worn my Fob too. Gerry would take this home for safe keeping while I was in hospital. We all walked to St Marks Ward where I was checked in by the nurse. We took a seat and just after half 7 a nurse called us in to another waiting room. From what I could make out, all those facing one kind of surgery or another were using this waiting room and leaving from here. I was told that I was third on the list and would be going to theatre at approximately 11:30 am. By 9:00 am I was called to a side room where all my details were checked and double checked. I returned to Gerry and Suzanne who were waiting patiently in the waiting room. At 9:30 am, I was called again and told to change into the hospital gowns and put on support socks. I was being prepped for theatre. I was going now. I dashed back to tell Gerry and Sue that I was now going. I left my belongings with them and followed the nurse. My heart felt like it was hammering in my chest and I felt quite light headed. I could feel a bit of a panic starting to rise in my chest.  The nurse told me to follow her and we headed back in the direction of the waiting room. Suzy was standing at the end of the corridor, ready to head off to St. Jame's hospital to see her Dad, While Gerry was loaded up with my belongings in the waiting room. I still had my docs on so told Gerry to wait where he was until the nurse brought my shoes back to him.  I had a couple of hugs and headed off with the nurse to be further prepped for surgery.

I climbed onto the trolley and had a blanket put over me. Mr Geraghty came and shook my hand and wished me well. The Nurse who escourted me took my boots back to Gerry. The theatre nurses took over. Everything was done efficiently and yet with great care and tenderness. I was wheeled into the theatre and transfered onto the operating table. There were straps that held you onto the table, those operating tables are extremely narrow and there is no wiggle room at all. Everything that needed to be explained to me was, and then a doctor came and put a cannula into my arm. "I will be administering the anaesthetic through this and then morphine will be hooked up to it following the operation", I was told.  I was out cold in seconds.

A couple of hours after surgery

I woke up back on St. Helen's Ward at four that afternoon. Mind you I use the term 'Woke Up' very loosely. My eyes rolled and I groaned a hello to Gerry and also to Suzanne, whom I later found out had returned to the hospital after Gerry had called her to let her know where he was. Suzanne went over to keep him company. They waited and waited in the room wondering what was keeping me. I was in surgery for approximately five hours and in recovery for approximately an hour, before being wheeled to my room. I was out of it for a while. Suzanne kept wetting my lips with drops of water while Gerry held my hand or rubbed my feet. Between them they really did take care of me. A couple of hours later I was fairly awake and talking to my two guardians. Suzanne and Gerry left and I slept through the night, mind you the morphine did help. I woke the next morning and found that I spent the bulk of the day either chatting or sleeping. I kept drifting off. There was very little pain and I was also feeling very slightly nauseas with the morphine. I tended to use it as little as possible when I realised that it was making me feel sick.  On Wednesday I had a visit from three of my colleagues, Siobhann Free, Mary Green and Catherine Daly, in between I had Suzanne and Gerry and the boys there. It was a busy day. I slept again on Wednesday night, and once again it was with thanks to morphine. I found that I was using it more at night more for the effects of it helping me sleep rather that to keep the pain at bay. Thursday morning I had the drip removed. I was more awake, sitting out for the whole day and lively. Colleagues from work Carmel Dempsey (principal) and Orla Keyes (deputy principal) popped in to visit me. It was lovely to see them. Elaine Christodoulou, another of my colleagues called early evening and we chatted ten to the dozen. I was being very spoilt having all these visitors.

Day 3 after Surgery:

two drains on the left

one drain on the right. 

Today has been quite a different day. I have felt so low. People just talking and asking how I am has reduced me to tears. Suzanne visited for an hour or so, and after that Gerry, Joe and Jim arrived. I put on a brave face for them all but I just wanted to get my bags and head out of the hospital and home. We played cards, we talked and then I went to bed as I was starting to tire quite a lot. I have also had quite an upset stomach today which has not helped at all. But this sadness is quite over whelming. When Gerry and the boys were leaving I just cried. I am getting quite cross with myself too as there really is no reason for this.

There is some slight discomfort, but nothing that I could quantify as being pain. Anyone who has had their hair grow really long then have it cut really short so that you constantly feel like you have a hat on your head, well that is how my chest feels, like I have something strapped to it. When it is quite the opposite. I have nothing there... at all! The doctor has just left and I will be in hear at least until next Tuesday, apparently feeling low at this stage after a general anaesthetic is quite normal. The fluid is now draining nicely and there should be at least one drain removed by the time I am leaving. I have learned how to empty the drains and how to record the amount of fluid collected. Not a nice task but one that is necessary.

This cancer has created quite a life changing situation for me. I have had to deal with the fact that I have cancer, I have had to be strong, and now I have had to have major surgery. I will spend the next five years at least wondering if every twitch and twinge is the cancer returning. I will just have to develope a way of putting this to the back of my mind or paranoia will take over. I have to look forward now, to a changed life, a healthier way of living, and take up interests and activities that make me stronger. Now is my chance to embrace change and make it work for me.  Night night folks. I hope that this latest addition to my blog finds you all healthy and happy and embracing all that is good in life. Do it now, because one day you will find that you have just simply run out of time. Sleep well everyone. xxx