Cancer: My Journey!: The Surprises Just Go On and On and On... Both good and some not so good, but hey, we have to roll with the good and the not so good in order to reach the end of this journey!

Hello All, It is a couple of weeks since I last posted, in fact I think it is exactly two weeks today. So much has happened and it all seems to have happened in a whirl. I haven't had too much time to dwell on the cancer. Thanks to my wonderful family and friends I have had a fun filled and surprised filled time. You just would not believe it. Here is just how it all panned out! I hope that this blog brings you more smiles than tears but I cannot guarantee anything.

Friday 29th April and Onwards!

Absolutely Shattered!

I found myself totally shattered on Friday. I really wanted to be full of life to enjoy having my parents here, but the trip to Dundrum the previous day had me totally wrecked. I slept on and off most of the day and was cared for brilliantly by my Mum and Dad. It was just an awful feeling that a simple trip to the shopping centre and only to two shops at that, would have me so jaded. There was absolutely nothing I could do, I was as tired and as weak as a kitten. That night I slept like a log.

Thankfully that much sleep had me much livelier the next day, Saturday. Mum and Dad took me down to the Clinic at 11:00 am for the Community Intervention Nurse to change my picc dressing and to flush it through to ensure that there were no blockages. The nurse was delighted to see me looking so much better and commented on the vast difference as the last time she had seen me was when she was sending me off in an ambulance two weeks previously. We left there and went on to Bridgewater where we did a weekly shop in Dunne's stores. We also nipped into Wicklow where we had a lovely refreshing drink in Donellie's. We after that it was into Byrnes, were we admired the Chrystal and household wares. Whilst in there, we met with Mona Theobald. It was lovely to see her as I haven't seen her for some time. I had a beaming smile, when Mona recognised my Dad as the 'Dad with the tattoo' and chatted to him and told him what a lovely thing it was that he did. Thank you Mona for following my blog. I do appreciate it greatly.

We returned home with the shopping and relaxed for the afternoon. Later on, Gerry and I went to tesco where we purchased a bottle of Rosé for Mum and a bottle of Cabernet for myself. I was going to enjoy a couple of glasses with my Mum tonight. After all, AC chemo was finished and I had most of my taste buds back. Yes two glasses of wine went down well that evening. Most enjoyable indeed. As was the most deep and relaxing sleep that night. The rest of the weekend passed with laughter and enjoyment, sharing my parent's company was brilliant.

Monday was bank holiday and the boys were off school. We decided to have a drive out and went to Ashford Gardens. It was a great time out as all of us went together, not something that happens these days when teenage lads want to remain at home or out with pals. So Gerry, Myself, Mum, Dad, Joe and Jim spent some very quality time together. We had a lovely relaxing time, but unfortunately could not get into the cafe as it was packed beyond belief. So a stroll round strawbridge was called for, and yes I have eyed some lovely items I would like for my home.... Lottery win.... where the heck are you? We walked around the small courtyard of shops and I purchased some goats cheeses from the deli along with some Pastrami. Hmmmm lovely for later on. We strolled through the Nursery admiring the plants and then headed to the car, just before the heavens opened. Our afternoon tea would take place at home. So homeward bound it was, after a lovely couple of hours out. We arrived home and I decided to spend the afternoon painting. It is a long time since I have done so, so was not sure how it would turn out. For a first attempt in a long time, I was pleasantly surprised. Not a masterpiece but not a disaster either. That evening was spent chatting to Mum and finishing off the bottle of wine from the night before. Hmm this is the life :)

I had a trip to look forward to at the end of the week. Suzanne would be celebrating her birthday on the Sunday, so myself and some of our friends decided to spend the weekend in Dublin and celebrate her birthday in style. Due to my 'new figure' I needed to find some clothes that would not just hang saggily but look OK. So on the Tuesday, Gerry and I went out to do some clothes shopping, a few tops and trousers along with new jeans were chosen. I could relax for the rest of the week with Mum, Dad, Gerry and the boys. Mum and I headed off to tesco and that evening enjoyed a glass of wine each. Nice and relaxing before bed time and something to enjoy and feel like everything was 'normal' for once.

Wednesday and Thursday were spent in similar manners, With trips out to the shops, or just spending the days relaxing with our books or chatting. Ms Cluskey dropped the boys home for me on Wednesday and called in for a cuppa. It was lovely having Siobhan meet my parent's as they have heard so much about her and all the help she gives me with getting the boys to and from school.

Friday morning the nurse arrived at the house for just after 10:30 a.m. It was picc dressing and flushing day. So the task was carried out with lots of cheer. The nurse reiterated that it was very important that I keep a very close eye on any changes and that my temperature is closely monitored. This is vital as if unchecked it can lead to some very nasty if not fatal consequences. A new thermometer was needed as the two I already had here (one being very new yet cheap) were not working correctly and giving out different readings. Hence the possible reason as to why the high temps leading to neutropenia were not spotted in time. That was one for my to do list, get a proper thermometer, yes expensive but not so much so that it could possibly save your life. (DONT FORGET THE THERMOMETER ELAINE!) After the nurse had left Mum and I packed my bag for the weekend away. Clothing, PJ's, Make up, perfume and washing bag and tooth brush and paste and of course my handbag, a nice little Michael Kors number I picked up in the week. Packing all done, Mum, Dad and myself headed off to Kilcoole to pick up the boys. We were meeting Suzanne there to save her driving over to Arklow to pick me up. We arrived early and Suzanne arrived a short time later. She had a good catch up with Mum and Dad. As soon as they boys arrived out of school, we said our bye byes for the weekend and headed off.

We met up with the crew and booked into our accommodation for the weekend. Once our bags were in our room we all headed out for a lovely Italian meal. It was great to be able to eat a meal and taste it. A delicious goats cheese starter was order of the day, with a glass of Merlot to accompany it. This was followed by Manzo and Tagliatelle pasta. Of course this too was accompanied by the said wine. The food was like an explosion of tastes in your mouth. So much so you just did not want it to end. Following the meal we headed to a couple of pubs (both whose names escape me now - bloody chemo brain) but not too much alcohol was quaffed as I already had the wine and did not want to push my luck. This however did not stop my usual antics that tend to occur after a drink or two. We were walking by a restaurant that was very open and exposing, as in it had huge windows and all those eating could be clearly seen. One group were by the window and looked as miserable as sin, by the time I had finished they looked worse. I did no more that push my face against the window and blow, causing my mouth to open like the jaws of a massive fish, then I proceeded to instruct the via signs and lip reading.... Smile folks... No! having cancer has not made me any more sensible than I was before it. Having pushed my cares to the back of my head for this weekend, I was my normal old, mischievous self for a little while and it was wonderful. I left the window and the diners before I was chased off by the staff.... The girls were nearly apoplectic at what had unexpectedly occurred. By 9:00p.m. I needed to get back to the hotel as I was feeling exhausted. The girls walked me to our room and made sure I was OK. They asked if I minded them going for a drink in the bar. Of course I didn't mind, so off they set. I set about getting into my pj's, brushing my teeth and getting into bed. My head hit the pillow and I was out like a light. Shattered was an understatement. The girls were completely silent coming back as the next time I saw them was the following morning, as we all slowly woke up one by one.

Birthday girl at the Westbury

As I had been asleep for longer than them, I was first awake and spent the time with my head in my kindle. Ah the peace and quiet it was divine. We decided to have breakfast out so by 9:30a.m we headed to find a cafe to have a good breakfast that would set us up for the day. It was a grey and wet day. So I donned clothing to suite the weather. We were going to be looking around markets and some shops today. We strolled around from one place to another. It was at this point that I noted that my soles on my shoes (yes I forgot to pack a second pair of shoes) had developed a hole and as it was raining my feet were getting wetter and wetter. Not Good. Shuh was my first port of call where I purchased a new pair of Red or Dead shoes, I asked the shop assistant to dispose of my old manky pair and I walked out in my nice new footwear. We found the flea market that we had looked up online during the week. It was interesting to say the least. We then strolled over the Ha'Penny bridge to Temple Bar and took in the sights and sounds of the people bustling around. We went to go into a couple of bars but the place was packed, so what do we decide to do? Something out of the ordinary, Something that nearly had me needing a jump start from a defibrillator. Cocktails in the Westbury!!! All is about to be explained.

It was at this point that I noticed that my right heel was feeling a tad uncomfortable. We had been strolling around for the Morning, and decided that seeing that it was just after lunch time (two ish), it was cocktail time. Oh for the love of God! We ambled into the Westbury (well I limped as my heal was actually quite sore), I lead the way into the bar (here I have to add that this hotel is classy to say the least, in fact it is not only classy but rather toffee nosed too), I was be-decked in .... wait for it.... Was it a nice dress, NO, Was it a nice skirt and top, NO, was it dressy in any sense... NOOOOO! .... Jeans, top (that had mid length sleeves with a picc line hanging out), denim jacket and flat, uncomfortable shoes similar to those I wore when I was at school, and to top it all... bald as a billiard ball! I looked around at the ladies dressed to the nines, made up like painted dolls and sipping wine others looking bored over the table at their other halves not talking to each other much, then at others sensibly nibbling on their cucumber sandwiches (sambos would not be apt here) or dainty cakes and sipping tea, then there was another group, the women who clearly meet for a gossipy catch up over a bottle or two of wine giggling and gossipping about all and sundry.... "Weeeell"... I drawled..."This is niiice!" I turned and looked at our little group and said - "To the bar it is...!" WE had arrived!

The waiters were unbelievably attentive, surely by the look of me they could see I wasn't going to be tipping them the way the others looked like they might be able to, Unless they thought I was some rich bugger in disguise...

"How can I help you Madam?"

"Well you can start off by choosing us some cocktails. I haven't a clue what is what so I'm going to leave it up to you!"

"How many cocktails madam?"

"Well there are four of us so you can make four, I pointed down the bar, that looks colourful two of them will do and then that one with mint leaves in looks refreshing two of them too"

"Absolutely Madam!" (At this point, I should have realised by his smile that he thought he had won the flamin' lotto)

I went to pay but the waiter said,

"No pay later you may want more!"

Another warning sign missed! The cocktails were made and we shared out what we would have. I chose the minty one. I fancied something refreshing, and refreshing it was... In fact it was very moreish. Please don't ask me what they were called, I haven't a bogger's notion, as all recollection of names were suddenly wiped out of my head about an hour later. We sipped them slowly. I didn't want to make a holy show of myself here. I think any antics would have gone down like a lead balloon.

We sipped and chatted and had a laugh. All lady like, including the barman in our conversations. Ah here, I think he really thought he was on to a high roller here. Our drinks finished we decided to each order another drink. Two opted for cocktails, and Suzanne and I opted for Chambord with cream - this makes a shot called a jam donut and is amazingly tasty. (I taught the barman how to make this I might add). Before he started I asked if I could pay for the cocktails. He turned to the till and I glanced at it, there was already somebodies bill typed up and I nudged the girls,

"Look at that doozy of a bill, some poor sap is going to have a heart attack today it was €71... €71 bloody euro, God I'd have a blue fit if that was mine!"

Yup you guessed it.... it was mine... the waiter had been tallying up as we sipped. I looked at him...

"Hang on a sec!", I said... I took out my phone and made as if I was calling home.... I said in none too quiet a voice... "Gerry, Just letting you know, I have just sold our house.... To pay for Feckin cocktails in the Westbury!"

Well the couple at the end of the bar were hysterical, as were the rest of my group. I handed the waiter the money, not before holding it back and asking if he was sure that he had not had a bang on the head before hitting random keys on the till. He smiled and gave me the change of €80. He also handed over the two shots of Chambord (jam donut shots that I had rung my daughter Amy up to ask how to make them) Which I swiftly knocked back... sod ladylike now. The lad at the end of the bar, asked what I had asked for so I explained what I had drunk. He ordered two too, one each for him and his partner. Waiter tapped my arm... that will be another €14 euro... I looked at him like he had grown another head.... What will be another €14 euro? The two shots... I didn't include them with the cocktails. Well I wanted to bounce the little fecker off the bar... but not wanting to show up my pals I said:

"I tell you what, See this picc line here, you hook me up to the strongest bottle you have here and then I won't feel the pain of you robbing me blind!"

Another round of hilarity and laughter, with the exception of a fellow sat besides us, who looked like he was thinking, 'Oh Lord, I come in here to get away from this type!'.... however, I'm glad others found this so amusing. I have to say though it was funny, thankfully I was in charge of the kitty, and it wasn't all from my own pocket really, but enough was enough, and off we set to O Donahue's for a proper pint of porter and a laugh with the random hen and stag parties that wandered in off some daft cycling novelty with pit stops in the various pubs. It got a tad noisy so to Dawson's lounge we headed, where we relaxed, laughed and ended up being joined by a group of Swiss tourists and South African Tourists. It really was a lovely afternoon. By six we were ready to eat and headed to an Indian restaurant where a lovely meal was enjoyed. This was followed by a flaming zambuca... one that nearly melted a couple of faces had the tables next to us not shouted for them to blow out the flame. Naturally being a seasoned flaming zambuca quaffer, I expertly quaffed mine and with the others shouted..."blow out the flames!" More laughter ensued. Once again it was time for me to get my head down. So this time we hailo'd a taxi and made our way back to the hotel. I flaked out immediately while the girls chatted and, I think, nipped to the bar for a night cap.

Sunday we headed to Suzanne's house. Today was her birthday. We picked up Tommy (Suzanne's Father) and then back to Sue's house. It was a hive of activity with Gary, James and Saragh, giving me a lovely greeting hug as I came in. It has been ages since I have seen them all and catching up was great. They are all lovely young people and Suzanne ran Tommy and James to the pub, then returned her car to her house and Suzanne, Gary, Saragh and myself strolled around. We met Jimmy, Mary and Breda there and a lovely lunch and a few drinks were shared. Later on, Gary took Tommy home, the kids left and us middle aged ladies spend the afternoon laughing and basically having fun. Jimmy headed off on his motorbike and the afternoon flew by. We headed back to the hotel for our last night and we all chatted until very late in the night. The room was stifling with four of us sharing, and sleep for me this night was quite elusive.

Before

After

I woke the next morning, carried out my ablutions, packed my bag and waited for the others to stir. I was awake so early and once again enjoyed my kindle. By nine(ish) the others were staring to make a move and dressed and packed. An hour later we said our goodbyes and Suzanne drove me back to Arklow. It was a bit quiet driving back as I kept nodding off, not surprising really since, as I have already mentioned Sleep was not great. This has been par for the course since my chemo started so I was not ordinarily surprised by it. We entered the estate in which I live. Suzanne rounded the corner of my road, I said here "what's going on? OMG, OMG, OMG ... That is my brother's van - and look he has the lads with him... look Suzy look, he is doing my bathrooms!" Well I nearly had a totally funny turn altogether. My baby brother had arrived! Suzanne and I got out of the car and I ran to my brother, so excited to see him. Hugs were given and Suzanne and I walked in to what can only be described as a building site.

Before (en-suite)

After (en-suit)e

I have had a leak in my shower since the dawn of time. It has gradually got worse, and the ceilings in the lounge and dining room were looking very stained. Dad had looked at it the last time he was over, and I said that I would love nothing more that having my bathroom and en-suite ripped out and entirely new bathroom and en-suite installed, with them being sealed water tight rooms and my ceilings downstairs fixed up. Dad had mentioned all this to Roy, and between them all, My Parents and my brother and sister the hatched a plot to get this sorted out for us. I just could not believe it. Paul and Jordan who both work with my Father and brother had come along too, to help with my home makeover. My sun room looked like a builders suppliers with flooring, walling, ceilings, light fittings, toilets, sinks taps bath shower stall and door, cabinets, you name it they had it. My bathrooms in the meantime were nearly torn out. I was excited and surprise all at the same time. Suzy had a well earned cuppa and caught up with Mum, Dad and Roy. Tales were told about the weekend and we all had a good laugh. Then once again she headed back up the motorway home. Thank you for a lovely weekend Sue and pass on my thanks to the girls. It was a great laugh. The lads all went back to work while I chatted to Mum and Dad about the weekend. My boys were in school, so Dad and I went to pick them up and also picked up Mrs Cluskey. A teacher from the school my sons attend and who has become a lovely friend. We took her to Gorey and then returned home. Mum had made us all a lovely dinner where we all sat down to eat and chat about the surprise that they had all arranged for the Murphy family.

Tuesday was spent relaxing after the weekend. Roy, Paul and Jordan worked hard all day to get as much done as they could. They only had a week to install the two rooms. Mum, Dad and I nipped out to get more mince, veg and other foodstuff for cottage pie that evening. It was whilst eating that it was decided that we would head out for a couple of drinks. We all went down to the Old Ship, sat in in a nice area and had an alcoholic beverage or two. I had two pints and then three small drinks of southern comfort, before moving onto the coke. (coke-a-cola that is) Gerry enjoyed his usual Carlsberg while Dad, Roy, Paul and Jordan enjoyed a few pints of porter. Mum stuck to her Bacardi and lemonade. We left around 11 as the lads all had an early morning start. As Did Gerry.

Gerry was heading to the hospital for a check up following his surgery. Now Gerry already has had his post op appointment. We received a text from St. Vincents hospital two days before this appointment, for what reason, we did not yet know. Gerry's appointment was booked in for 9:30 a.m. I was booked in for the first of my CMF chemo in the same hospital at 11:30 a.m. Gerry left the house at 7:45 to get to his appointment on time. Mum and Dad escorted me to mine and we left at 10:00 am. With me driving Dad and Mum's Mercedes to the hospital. What a lovely car that is to drive. We made it in good time. Gerry was still at the hospital waiting to give bloods. He met up with us just by the vampire station. He had been told that he was to take antibiotics for the internal leakage he had, had after his operation. To me this was like proverbially 'shutting the stable door after the horse had bolted'. Gerry's bleeding had stopped before his previous post operation check up. He was also told that under no circumstances is he ever to touch a cigarette again in his life, and ... wait for it... he has to remain totally alcohol free for the next three months. That is all after going out for a few beers the night before, having not been out for approximately two months and getting the taste to start going out regularly again. Ah never mind hon, Three months will soon pass!

We walked on to St. Anne's ward where I booked in and we took our seats. By 11:45 I was called through to the 'chemo room' and given a seat. My picc was flushed and dressings changed once again. Not before though, going through the plan of this new chemo. Mum had come in with me and Dad and Gerry remained in the waiting room. Siobhan was my nurse today. She is extremely pleasant and tells you like it is. It is today that I had a bit of a "wobble". You see, I was originally having 4 AC chemo - Which I had had, and been hospitalised once again for neutropenia. I was then to have 2 CMF chemos. However when seeing Dr Gullo a few weeks earlier, he informed me that it would be three maybe four CMF, today however, I was signed off for SIX CMF. How could this be? Why? What were they not telling me? Naturally I had waited for Siobhan to go and get all the stuff ready to do my picc line and whilst she was away gathering this, my Mum and I chatted about why this change was made. I was now in a bit of a tizzy, was there more cancer there? what were they hiding? Siobhan came back and started on the picc line. I asked her why the increase in chemo and explained what I was originally having. I asked if it was the fact that there was possibly more cancer found and I hadn't been told. Siobhan was quick to allay that fear and explained that it was to run with the radiotherapy and once that had finished so would my chemo, that the chemo was helping the radiotherapy be more effective. I asked then that how would we know if the cancer had gone. How did we know if I really did still have residual cells or had the chemo wiped them out. After all, this was being given to me as a precaution.... wasn't it? Siobhan went on to explain how each time I have been in for chemo, I have bloods taken, they look for tumour markers/cancer cell markers. These are measured on a point scale. 0 - 40 is considered normal. Mine is 65... evidence that cancer cells are still roaming this body of mine. Tears slowly ran down my face as I digested this news. Considering I am now on the run in to the end of my treatment, what happens if that 65 has either not reduced or has increased? If that is the case then a PET scan will be given and a deeper look as to why this is occurring and IF there is further concern, new treatment will be given to me, I won't just be dropped like a hot stone. I will be closely monitored for some time. Siobhan finished doing the picc line and we then had to wait for Dr Gullo to come and sign off on today's chemo.

It was now nearly 1:00pm and Mum and I were quite hungry. Luckily the tea trolley came around so we had a soup and a sambo. Mum nipped into the waiting room to tell Dad and Gerry that I was still waiting for chemo to start, but they were both asleep, looking like a pair of bookends. She shook them awake and they too had soup and sambos and once again nodded off. Mum returned and sat with me.We had something of a long wait today and by three the chemo arrived and all three mixtures had to be pumped into me. This time I felt and immediate weakness, and a strange sensation. I told Siobhan who slowed the pumping down, the speed it was going in was not being received well by my body. Dr Gullo made his way to me. Siobhan had explained my fears, and I told him that I had, had a bit of a tearful moment. Dr Gullo kindly and gently explained it all, every bit as clearly as Siobhan did. But the fact that I still have cells is a concern naturally. Having had two very strong chemo mixtures, first TC chemo then AC and they have not been obliterated is a worry. This third chemo, CMF, is much milder hopefully this combined with the radiotherapy will do the job once and for all! Worry is always at the back of your mind. Staying positive does get harder.

We left the hospital and feeling much better and not sleepy after this one, I drove Mum and Dad's car home. Gerry headed off in his van. It was a longer journey home as we were stuck in tea time traffic. It was also a quiet ride home as we were all stuck in our world of thought. We decided that a take away was in order as it was very late to start cooking. The lads - Roy, Paul and Jordan, were still hard at work when we got in. They tidied up and headed to their digs. They are staying in Moneylands. They got washed and changed and headed to Darcy's for their tea. Mum, Jim and I ordered a Chinese, Gerry and Dad a Trade Winds and Joe had a pizza. I was not to have any alcohol on this chemo as it can affect my liver. Siobhan had said that they were not strict about it, the occasional glass is allowed, but as with all my previous chemos I had abstained due to the foul taste it gives alcohol. I had also made up for it over the weekend, last night and the few nights I quaffed wine with my Mum.

Today is Thursday, I am on steroids for the two days after chemo. They tend to keep me wide awake, hence me being up at 2:58 am still typing away on my blog. This morning I went to do my banking, went to the post office and then to Dunne's stores with Mum and Dad. Once again the lads have worked like Trojans to get the bathrooms ready. They look amazing. Snag tests are going to be carried out tomorrow morning, and the lads will be getting the ferry back to Wales tomorrow afternoon. I cannot thank their wives, children and families for allowing them over here to help my brother and father carry out such a wonderful surprise for me. It has been such a wonderful thing to do. This afternoon, Dad and I picked up the boys and brought them home. Mum had prepared our tea for us all once again. Sausage, Mash and Beans, an all round favourite with us all. Dad, Roy, Paul and Jordan all had a beer, and Mum a glass of wine to round off the last day of working here. The lads then returned to their digs where Paul had an early night and Roy and Jordan headed down for a couple of pints. Mum and Dad went in to see the owners of Moneylands and to pay for the digs. Lilly and Michael made them very welcome and they chatted there for some time. With both Mum and Dad promising to visit them the next time they are over here. A nice friendship has developed between them after all the visits they have made over the years. Mum and Dad came home here. We all sat and relaxed, and I took up writing this blog. Soon my Brother heads back to Wales and I will miss him like mad. It has been great having him here. I am however dreading Saturday, as that is also when my Parents return home too. I hope it is not too long before I see them again. It has been a true treat having them stay here for as long as they have. It will be hard not having them here. In the meantime, I will be continuing my treatment. Planning treats in between and basically getting through what is going to be a hard slog physically, mentally and emotionally. But as the saying goes:

"You don't know how strong you are, until strength is all that you have left!"

Main bathroom

main bathroom

I want to add photos of the hard work carried out by "R.J. Botfield and Son, Plumbing and Central Heating Engineers" - My Father's and Brother's (the two Roys) business, along with Paul and Jordan all the way from Wales. I won't ever be able to thank them enough for this gargantuan task they took on and created such wonderful rooms. Thank you!

Good night folks or should I say good morning? After all it is 3:15 a.m.

Here are two photographs of my new main bathroom. Thank you to Roy, Paul and Jordan for the amazing work and thank you to their families for supporting them in coming here and carrying out this great bathroom and en-suite conversion.

Introducing the folk that have so generously converted my bathrooms :)