"When Someone Has Cancer, The Whole Family and Everyone Who Loves Them Does Too!: Terri Clark

Chemo 4:

Last chemo going in for this session

I finally finished the final session of the A & C Chemo. It has had me tired and weak, I have been sick on a couple of occasions. The feeling of being weak and tired for most of the time have had me needing a lot of sleep and that is exactly what I have done. What I have also had is the amazing support of my family and my friends. Mum, Dad, my Sister Diane and my Nephew Andrew all came over and visited me two weeks ago. Friday until Monday. It was lovely to see them. They were picked up by Suzanne in her Lear Jet and piloted safely here to Arklow. Then returned to the port on time for the ferry back on Monday. 

I headed this blog with a saying from Terri Clark. "When someone has cancer, the whole family and everyone who loves them does too!"  I have found this to be so utterly true.  You see, I can see the worry, hurt, concern and fear in the faces of all my family and friends, no matter how hard they try to disguise it. In the way my family and friends care for me, the cruel way that it tells on my parents, as much as they like to try and hide it, the way it has given my Sister a new outlook in life, whereas I can see this cancer has upset her, hurt her and made her cry, It has also given her a magnificent strength. She sees life differently, does not suffer fools gladly, and has developed a strength and bravery that is just amazing. My whole family, parents Roy and Glenys, siblings Diane and Roy along with their spouses and children, My husband Gerry, my children Amy, Joe and Jim, my Friends Suzanne, Nic, Hazel, Julia and everyone else Ger Noonan, Pauline and Tamara (who has introduced me to geocaching - more on this later), Katie, then Jo, Karen and Jo (The Maples Girls), my friends and colleagues Geraldine, Orla, Carmel and Gerardine who all keep in touch, you have all been amazing from popping in for coffee, to making arrangements to meet for coffee, for tolerating changes to plans when meds have me feeling like a 'shaken up sack of shit', I just cannot thank you all enough. Yes the changes in the way people respond, care and demonstrate their amazingly kind and caring sides cancer does affect everyone who is involved in your life even in the smallest way. Everyone carries some part of this cancer no matter how small or large, it truly does have a very large ripple effect and once those ripples touch you they change part if not all of  your life forever. 

Tamara and I with my first ever
geocache find

Although  I have had a tough time during this last chemo,  I have also had a lovely time with family and friends. Firstly the visit from my family, although I was not well enough to get out and about very much at all, the fact that they were here was fantastic. I also had a new experience of geocaching. I had met Ger, Pauline and Tamara for coffee last Sunday. It was a lovely relaxed couple of hours that was very welcome. We discussed things from work, to yes, geocaching. Tamara is very into this and I expressed that it was something that I would like to try but had not had the opportunity. Tamara does no more than take out her phone and search out local geocaches. The next thing teas and hot chocolate are finished and we are heading out from the cafe to find these caches. We found two and in all honesty I found it quite exciting. The plan to find all six geocaches on the Kynocs history walk is in the planning.

Laughter is the best medicine

I attended my mid chemo bloods two weeks ago. When I arrived at the hospital, I sat in the reception area after checking in, in the St. Anne's Day ward. Suzanne had come with me as she has done with many of my appointments, sharing them between herself and Gerry. These appointments can be long and arduous. There is not usually a mid chemo appointment, but due to the fact that I have suffered with neutropenia, low liver functioning tests and other concerns, the hospital have been keeping a very close eye on me. I sat there quietly feeling as lifeless as a dead fish. One of the main nurses there Aileen, called "Elaine" I looked up not sure if I had actually heard my name. Aileen called again "Elaine, are you OK?" I had been sitting with my back to the reception desk, Aileen was behind the desk and smiled over, I nodded and smiled, I felt so ill. The next thing another nurse called me to follow her. Usually these mid chemo bloods are just taken and you are sent off home. If anything shows up you are called and either asked to return to the hospital or instructed over the phone as to what you are to look out for and if anything out of the ordinary occurs to return to hospital. This time, I was brought to the quieter end of the chemo treatment room and given a bed to lie on. Temperature, bloods, blood pressure were taken. Mr Gullo, one of my oncologists came to see me. He instructed that I was put on intravenous fluids over a two hour period. The dressing on my picc line was changed and I dozed while the fluids were coursing through my veins.  I felt slightly better on the way home, but fell asleep in the car. Weak was an understatement. My bloods had come back that I was very neutropenic and that I was one point away from a blood transfusion. The levels for a blood transfusion were 1.2, I was 2.2.

The Aintree Grand National was on last Saturday. This is something that I back every year. It is almost a family tradition. Had I been at home in Wales it would have been a family day, spent together at my Sister and Brother-in-Laws home watching the race and a nice buffet served. Here I pick out my horse (on name criteria only) and then get Gerry and the lads to pick a horse too. I then go to the bookies and put on my stakes. Being a novice better, I only put on a euro each way. This year I was lucky to get first and second with the grand total of 73 Euro. Happy days. I brought my winnings home and shared it between the five of us. A nice treat each, something unexpected for us all. The boys had 10 Euro each, Gerry had 20 Euro and I had 33 Euro, well I did the leg work...  ha ha ha. 

Gerry and boys when Gerry
was in hospital

Gerry has had quite a hard time himself this last fortnight. He had surgery on his intestine, removing part of his intestine that had been affected by crohns disease. This looks as though it will have solved the problem for some time. He should not get any attacks for the foreseeable future. The Crohns has the potential to return but please God this surgery will put paid to the pain he used to be in. He had had to go through some nasty surgery, have quite a lot of pain afterwards but has thankfully made a good recovery. He has his post surgery appointment the week after next and once again life will be returning to near normality for us both.

Sunday morning Gerry and I decided to go out for a walk. We went down to the harbour and walked along the pier wall. It was windy, cool and sunny, yet it was a beautiful walk. It is unreal as to how ill health can make you feel feeble, old and weak, how you then appreciate the pre-sickness days why you foolishly wasted days that you could have spent enjoying in this manner. How you wished that you could walk, talk and breath at the same time, because this chemo certainly does hinder your ability to walk and breath at the same time.  The breathlessness is very uncomfortable and having to stop every few meters makes me annoyed at myself for wasting so much time over my life. Yes I have partied and enjoyed it, but I think possibly too much of the partying days took place. I am determined now to make such a full recovery and do the canoeing that I have always wanted to or take up something that will have me out more in the great out doors. Geochaching just may play a greater roll in my life than I thought...  Thanks Tamara :)

On Tuesday, I had my pre-chemo assessment. Once again the bloods were taken and my height and weight. Once again the big drop in weight as a cause for concern was brought up. You see the chemotherapy is mixed up on weight and height. I was on the cusp of them having to adjust the chemo. If Ilose another pound or two at this point in time, the chemotherapy I am being given could prove to be an overdose, as too much of  a strong  mixture would have been created to suite my weight and height. Thankfully this would be the last of my A&C chemo.  The next morning being Wednesday, I was at the hospital for 8:30 a.m. An early start which means a lovely early finish. Thankfully having the picc line inserted has made the administering of chemotherapy much easier. I took my Emend, a strong anti-sickness tablet and the bag of anti-sickness was hooked up to the picc. That took half an hour to flow into the veins. I then had a flush through and a duel valve was fitted to the picc so that Ferdia could administer the two syringes of A Chemo and have the dilution fluid flow through at the same time. As mentioned in my last blog, this chemo is very strong and needs diluting so that the veins can stand its strength. I then had a further flush through following the A chemo before the C Chemo was attached to the picc line and dripped through over the space of a further half an hour. Following that came the final flush through. I could now leave and head home. Once again, as soon as I was in the car the utter tiredness hit me. I dozed quietly as I was driven home and once home settled in my usual comfy spot on the sofa. I had a small doze and relaxed for the afternoon.  By the evening, unusually so, I was feeling quite sickly. This does not usually happen on the day of chemo, however as this has been administered over a two weekly period as opposed to a three weekly period, my system is not being given a rest and the chemo effects are getting stronger and stronger. The absolute worst part of this chemo has been the sores in the mouth and throat. I have suffered the most awful and painful of mouth ulcers, cuts and sores to the tongue, the sides, top, underneath and the back of my throat. This has made it utterly impossible to eat and drink, to speak and to laugh and has had me feeling miserable to say the least. In fact, I can honestly say that it has been the most miserable I have felt since the start of my chemo last October.  After my mid chemo visit to the hospital, I was prescribed Oramorph (oral morphine), BMX mouth wash (a combination of cough syrups with lidocaine in them) and a preventative medicated mouth drops. All have to be swallowed and all make you sleepy, so on top of the chemo and with the oral medications I have been in a zombie like state for the last week.  Even something as simple as going to the shops had consequences when Karen saw me in Dunne's and her kindness and support had me weepy. Yes, this is how low I have felt this last chemo. It has been quite a wearing time this time round. I can now look forward to the return of these sores by the end of this week. Hopefully all the meds that I have here will help me cope with it in a much better way. It is no wonder I lost so much weight over the last fortnight, not eating or should I say not being able to eat will have that effect. Approximately thirty hours after the chemotherapy I gave myself the lonquex injection. This injection was stopped after my first session of my first round of chemotherapy due to a severe reaction with the T and C chemo and the lonquex hitting my bones in a serious way. However for the A and C chemo it was reintroduced and although after a week I do fall into the range of neutropenia, it does build up my white blood cells so that they are high enough for the next chemo.

Lonquex into t

The lonquex comes in a spring loaded syringe and is injected into my stomach. Unfortunately today the spring loaded mechanism did not function properly and so I just had to inject and pull it out like the traditional type... only when removed did the spring back work... typical!

This evening after having given myself the injection, I decided to head up to bed. I had my phone in my hand, a book and a charger for my phone. I also had the fob for setting the alarm so that I did not have to set it while downstairs and dash up to 'beat the beeps' thus avoiding setting it off as soon as I moved. Up the stairs I went and as I rounded the platform and went up the final three steps, my toe caught on the top step. Here is me, just after having major surgery, battling cancer and more scared of dropping my phone, as the saying goes when you fall with your phone you hope the crack is a bone ha ha ha, I hit the landing with a thud grazing my knee. Before I knew it, with book, charger and more importantly the phone clutched to my chest and the alarm fob, I was lifted by both arms with each of my sons at my side... bloody good job I hadn't broken my neck ha ha ha ha... I was virtually lifted into my bedroom and sat down, while one checked that I was OK, the other got tissue for my now bleeding knee, my brilliant caring boys had me sorted in no time, but,Oh Joy, another entry for sepsis or some other ruddy germ to hinder my progress, lets hope not.

The blanket

My wools

So it begins

I have decided to take on a challenge of making a very decorative Crocheted blanket over the next while. I don't think it is going to be too easy at all but it is a challenge that I have set myself. I have started it and am aiming to keep up as the pattern is downloaded in blocks every two weeks, so I need to speed up really, to keep up. With the chemo effecting the tips of my fingers with a lot of numbness of the right thumb and painful nail beds it is not too easy, but I am hoping by keeping my hands exercised in this way it will help the circulation and the feeling to come back into my fingers. I have also stocked up on acrylic paints, brushed and canvasses at painting is something I am also going to re take up. I had started a while back but with work and life it took a very far back seat. I think the peaceful process of picking out what to paint, how to paint it, working on light and shade as well as proportion I am hoping to create some lovely pieces... OK, you can all pick yourselves up of the floor from laughter now! lol

Well I am going to love you and leave you for now. This blog has been just an outline of the trials and tribulations of the past three weeks.  I now have a break of three weeks before CMF chemotherapy will begin. I was supposed to have a five week break, but the doctors have decided to increase the amount of CMF chemotherapy that I am to be given and so a third session of chemo begins on the 4th May.  This is going to be rather arduous as it is to run in conjunction with the 25 sessions of radiotherapy that I will be given. Also, the chemo is given every 8 days which does not leave me or my body time to recover between bouts. The fact that is to be given at the same time as radiotherapy will compound the after effects of both radiotherapy and the chemotherapy, so it looks like the last of my treatment will be something of a rough ride. I am hoping that it is not as tough as the doctors have told me it will be with the possibility of sores around the outside of my mouth as well as on the inside. This next bout will be the last of my treatment as, as I have stated many times throughout my blog there is no known medical cure for triple negative breast cancer. Chemotherapy is the sole treatment that is relied upon, so it is hoped that the 'bleach' that has been run through my system will have killed off the cancer cells. It is on this note that I will be cheeky enough to ask you to keep me in your prayers, that this cancer will be killed off, because the waiting around looking over your shoulder in fear of it's return is going to be psychologically, emotionally and physically draining. I am going to have to learn to try and live with this and not let fear rule me. I stand a 20% of it returning in five years, OK on the positive side that is an 80% chance of it not returning - however for my liking the odds of it coming back are too high. Everything is in the hands of the Gods now. Whatever will be will be.

As my tattoo says, "Time flies, Live Life!" I strongly recommend you do!