“When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

Leap Year:

Chemo 1 Session 2:

29 February 2016

I woke up this morning to a very grey day. The skies were dull, heavy and miserable looking. "Oh Well!" I thought, "Time for me to get up and get ready for what lies ahead". Yes today is the day that I am getting ready for the next step in my fight against cancer. I got up and Gerry had made me my morning cup of coffee. I washed, brushed my teeth and got dressed. I made my bed and headed downstairs to greet the day. Gerry and I sat down to drink our tea and coffee. "Do you want anything to eat?' Gerry asked me. I chose not to have anything as quite frankly, I was not feeling very hungry at all. Gerry went outside to put the ladders on his van for his days work, I started to gather my book and purse ready to head out leaving at the same time as Gerry. Gerry walked back into the house and said "are you in a hurry to leave?" I told him that I had to be gone my 8:00 a.m. or the traffic would hold me up and make me late for my appointment at the hospital.  "Do you have time to wait for me to get changed and I will come with you, it is starting to rain, so no work for me today!" I told Gerry to be quick, he was and we left the house a couple of minutes after 8:00. 

PICC line inserted into my right arm.

We arrived at the hospital right on time. I even managed to get a good parking spot and we headed straight up to the 2nd floor to Intervention Radiology.  I checked in and was called almost immediately. The nurse introduced herself to me and asked if I knew why I was there today and was I aware of the procedure that I was about to have. I informed the nurse that I was, that I had previously had a picc line inserted. I was shown to a cubical, given a gown to change into and then taken into the theatre. I was prepped and covered in sterile blue sheeting, the local anaesthetic was administered and the Picc line inserted into my arm before I knew it. There was an initial 'sting' of the needle but nothing too uncomfortable. A dressing was placed over the area where the line enters my arm. I was back in the cubicle dressing and back to the waiting room to Gerry before I knew it. 

 Red indicated blood entering the heart, blue blood leaving the heart

Next I had to make my way to Cardiology. Here I was given an echo cardiograph. This is basically and ultrasound of your heart. It looks at the four chambers of the heart, the valves, the rhythm of the heartbeat, the sound of the heartbeat, the size of you heart and the thickness of the walls of your heart, It also monitors the flow of blood into and out of your heart. To see it all on the screen is totally amazing. It really makes  you feel quite in awe of your own body. That small muscle beating away is basically the engine that makes us run. It made me realise that we really do not appreciate what we are, how we work and the fragility of our own bodies. Whilst lying there watching my heart beating away on the screen I found myself thinking of how I have put my whole body under potential stress and strain through poor diet, too much alcohol and lack of exercise. I am hoping that when this is all over, these thoughts don't change, but I do and become more health conscious. I want to be around for a long time to come. 

We left the hospital and Gerry drove us home. I climbed out of the car and walked up to the front door. I noticed a box next to my doorstep. It was from my cousin Susan. She had sent me a surprise. I picked up the box and took it into the kitchen. I opened it and inside was a plastic bag, inside that was another bag wrapped in bubble wrap, inside that were mini ice packs wrapped around a container. Now I was really curious. I opened the container and too my delight found 'Koeksusters' inside the container. These are a South African 'sweet' treat. A donut type dough, that once cooked is dipped into a syrup like mixture. Absolutely tasty. Susan knows that once my chemo starts my taste buds vanish, so this is a lovely treat before they go. Thank you Susan, they are excellent. 

I generally share my goodies but I have to think hard about this lot... hmmm. OK I will let Gerry have one, yes only one :) 

I have been told that this next round of chemo which starts tomorrow is very aggressive. I have been warned to be prepared to feel quite ill. So before it all kicks in, a trip to the cinema is on the cards tonight. We are going to see 'The Finest Hour'. I doubt the cinema is somewhere I will want to be sitting once this chemo gets hold of me. It is going to be quite a long haul over the next couple of months or so.  Well we headed off to the cinema, the film we were going to see was not showing so we went and watched 'Triple 9" a good film to be quite honest. We were in for the early screening and there were only six in the cinema. Two of our friends Jockey and Amanda were a few rows in front of us. It was lovely having a brief catch up with them after the film. We headed home and I got ready for my next day. I packed my shoulder bag, (well I borrowed Jimmy's should bag because I like the marvel superheroes) and I put in my laptop, book and cube - I'm still struggling on the 5 x 5 but I will do it, I am determined. I then headed for bed. I am not looking forward to tomorrow.

1st March - St David's Day and Day 1 of the second lot of chemo:

Administration of chemo

I was wide awake quite early today. I had a restless night and lay awake for some time. Today I am getting a lift to hospital with Jimmy Carroll. He is picking me up at 8:45 am, so an early start. Jimmy is in for 10:00 and I am in for 11:00. We arrived in good time and we made our way to the St. Anne's Day Centre. I sat with Jimmy for a short while to pass time and then headed to the Chemo Clinic which was just next door. I was seen fairly quickly and given a recliner.  I honestly didn't think I would be seeing this room again. Well,
not so soon anyway.  I had taken my anti sickness tablet half an hour before chemo was starting. I was then given a drip of anti sickness medication too.  Following that the chemo arrived. This time it is quite different. Previously it had been administered by a drip which was very slow. This time however, it is being administered by syringe.  Two big fat syringes full of Red Chemo - Adriamycin Cytoxan Chemotherapy. This Chemotherapy is only given by syringe with the trained nurses administering it while bedecked in scrubs, gloves, face masks and goggles... why? because this medication is highly toxic. Toxic beyond belief. Here are the probable and possible side effects of this medication:

Side Effects

Chemocare.com lists pain at the IV site, nausea, vomiting, mouth sores and low blood counts as common side effects of Adriamycin. Some less common side effects include discoloration of urine after treatment, watering of the eyes, darkening of skin or nail beds and infertility. Common side effects for Cytoxan include nausea, vomiting, low blood counts, hair loss, anorexia, loss of fertility and discoloration of nails. Chemocare.com also lists diarrhoea, mouth sores and bladder irritation as rare but possible side effects of Cytoxan. Most chemotherapy drugs, including Adriamycin and Cytoxan, cause generalized fatigue.http://www.livestrong.com/article/116572-ac-chemotherapy-breast-cancer/

Rip Van Winkle

Once the Adriamycin had been administered I was given a flush through and then the Cytoxan was administered by drip. That took less than half an hour, a final wash and it was time for me to leave. Jimmy and I stopped for a bite to eat at the cafeteria and then made our way back to Arklow. It was a quieter return journey, both of us with a lot on our minds.  I was also feeling the start of the chemo. It was kicking in faster than I thought it would. I felt so very tired in the car home, and a feeling of nausea was climbing. I was silently pleading with my body to hold onto it's contents. I would have died if I had thrown up in Jimmy's car.  

I was absolutely shattered when I walked into the house. I sat down and before I knew it I was fast asleep. I woke up about two hours later to Gerry banging on the window of the sitting room. I had locked the door and left the key in the lock. He was not able to get into the house. I was basically good for nothing today. The fatigue was unreal, followed by what felt like permanent nausea, although I was not actually sick. I fell asleep again on the sofa. Gerry woke me to go to bed but in all honesty I felt like I could not walk. I remained on the sofa with my blanket over me and back to sleep I went. I had a bowl just in case and kitchen roll should I miss the bowl in panic. 

I got up to go to the loo. Walking there felt like my legs and arms were filled with lead. My urine was red. I was now passing chemotherapy. I have to flush at least three times because the chemo is so strong. I also have to wash my hands for at least 45 seconds after flushing. Just an indication as to how strong this is. I went back to the sofa and fell back asleep, I was awake again at around half three in the morning and remained so until around six. It is during these times that you over think things, that it is very easy to become upset or worried so, I read, went on facebook, watched TV and the latter made my eyes tired, so I switched it off and fell back asleep. 

Morning Meds

I woke at 8 to Gerry getting ready for work. Unfortunately the weather changed and he only got to go to do one job. That whole time I slept. The weariness is unbelievable.  I do however have an appetite and had two bagels for breakfast. With them I had another two anti sickness meds and some steroids. Once my breakfast was complete I once again dozed in and out of sleep. A very surreal feeling. The nausea has only been slight today. I woke again to Gerry calling me up saying he was on his way home. I went and got dressed, we were going for a run to the bank to pay the mortgage. Gerry nipped in to the bank and I stayed in the car, this was repeated at a short stop at tesco to pick up the paper and put on the lottery. On both ocassions I could not keep my eyes open, the weariness and weakness is unbelievable. We went straight home and I tried to concentrate on my on line course to keep me conscious. I also read and tried to watch a film, but during that I went back to sleep. My God... Rip Van Winkle is going to  be my new moniker. It is as though I am suffering from some sort of narcolepsy. 

Shit this Chemo is strong!

Gerry prepared and made tea, Fish, Chips and Peas. I have to admit he did a great job. He has really taken good care of me, making sure I have everything I need and running and fetching all over the place. My eyes are permanently watering making it look like I am constantly crying. I am not but when others notice the watery eyes, they can't be blamed for thinking I am in the doldrums considering the current circumstances.  My friend and colleague, Geraldine called around this evening. It was lovely to see her, it passed some lovely time and we laughed and chatted. Her visit also helped me to stay awake, which is what I need if I am to sleep tonight. I am going to get myself a bottle of cold water now and head up to bed. The nausea has abated. Tomorrow though I have to give myself the lonquex injection, which will herald the onslaught of terrible bone pain. This is something that I really do have problems with. I cannot bear the pain as I already have arthritis in the joints, and the effects of the injection do compound the pains. However I keep telling myself that it is a means to an end. I have one session down and three more to go with a two week break between sessions. I will then have a five week break before Radiotherapy five weeks Monday to Friday with two CMF Chemo sessions, one on day 1 of radiotherapy and one on day 8. That, Please God, will be the last of the chemo and I will be totally cancer free. I am just waiting now on a CT scan in order that we can be 100% certain that this cancer has not spread anywhere else. Fingers crossed folks. 

Well Night night, I will let you know how the lonquex jab goes tomorrow.

Lonquex and more curve balls:

As promised I am updating this blog to let you all know that I left the lonquex to the very last minute, much to my poor sisters concern and constant barrage of WhatsApps - reminded me of the children in the car with the "Are we there yet?" chants.... this was - "Have you injected yet?" Well I have, that was three hours ago. At this point there is no pain, but it usually arrives after about 12 hours. However besides the injection, Gerry and I had another curve ball thrown at us during the night. Gerry took very ill with a Crohn's attack. He was taken off by ambulance. So it was another sleepless night for us both. Thankfully Gerry was discharged this morning after they stabilised him and is now home with me and I am doing some minding for a change. I have chased up the consultant dealing with Gerry and he will be going in for surgery to remove a piece of his bowel within the next two weeks. Hopefully that will be the end to the Crohns problem. I would ask you all to keep him in your thoughts and prayers too, he does not make a very good patient and likes to be on the go as soon as possible, which we all know is not a good thing. However, he does live with me and will not be given a choice ;) I have had a lovely visit from Francis and her Daughter (Gerry's cousins) and we had a good old catch up over a cuppa, I'm looking forward to a repeat soon.  Hope all goes well for you all this week, I hope it is a fruitful, healthy and happy week for you all. I am signing off now and will post after next chemo, unless anything else happens between now and then :)