Life is so full of beauty, so full of love, so full of joy, it is all there for the taking. It is just realising that it is there, that it is ours to enjoy, ours to share and ours to live to the full. There are going to be so many times when disappointment hits you like Thor's hammer. Hurt, loss, difficulties related to health and wealth, relationships, but, it is how we deal with these times, how we look for the positive, that helps us to reach out and take ownership of the beauty, love, and joy that is ours. Elaine Murphy
It has been seven months since I last added to my blog. It is something I was going to actually finish once my cancer treatment was over. However, the ironic and sad fact is, that once your treatment is over, it does not mean that this is suddenly the end of all things related to the cancer that blighted your life when you were first diagnosed. What has made me sit down and decide to blog once again?... There are a number of things, but one particular thing has hit home, and hit home hard today. So that is where I will start and then, I will fill you all in on the past seven months and the adventure that is my life!
This morning at just after half past eight, my phone rang...
"Hi is this Elaine?"
"Yes it is"
"It is Claire here from East Coast FM, You commented on our post on the passing of Emma Hannigan, would you please say a few words on air about her on the Morning Show with Declan Mehan?"
"Oh, well, um, yes ok!"
"Ah Grand I will call you back during the show!"
... and the call ended. Panic coursed through my veins...
... 'Jesus what have I just agreed to, I didn't know Emma, I followed her briefly and read one of her books, yes she was a true inspiration and yes she battled cancer, and yes she inspired me, and yes, she took up writing after her diagnosis, yes she was hugely successful, yes she was a wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend... and yes, there was something in all that, that gave me the opportunity where I could pay respects to Emma and pass on my condolences as a complete stranger to her and her family!'
And so my addition to Declan's Morning Show was delivered. I could feel my voice shake and nerves rattle as I spoke about this inspirational stranger.
My introduction to Emma was through the book "Talk to the Headscarf" a blunt, honest, 'warts and all' insight into Emma's life with breast cancer. This book talked about everything that was so real in my own life. Emma could have been writing about myself. I am 100% certain that all women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer and have read this book would agree with that too. Emma told it as it was and as it is. I saw a post on EastCoast FM's page that Emma Hannigan had announced that treatment was no longer working for her and that she had very little time left on this earth. I then read the subsequent post announcing Emma's death. I felt like a knife had pierced my own heart. Why though? I did not know this lady, I knew she wrote, I knew she was from Co. Wicklow and I knew she had cancer, I knew that her 10th - yes 10th diagnosis was made at the same time as I was getting my first (and I hope and pray only) diagnosis, I also knew that her open and honest insight into her life had made me feel like I knew her as a friend. Which demonstrated just how powerful her hold over the written word was. I have since picked up books by Emma and am now starting to read 'Letters to my Daughter'. Emma's passing and her bravery in the manner in which she handled the news, shared it and dealt with it struck me, it made me ponder my own mortality, it made me wonder... "What if....!"
The problem is though, those 'What if's' have the habit of bringing you down, of making you feel low, of making you want to just sit back and think 'sod this, why am I bothering?' So I had to give myself the kick up the backside I need from time to time to stop me going down that path. Where am I now with my own cancer? Well I have not been given the ultimate all clear for starters. I have however been put onto yearly visits to the oncologist - a significant promotion in my book. I have unfortunately had a 'knock on' effect from the chemo though. My liver has not really stood up to it too well. I had a fibroscan just before Christmas in the November of 2017. I am now under the care of the liver consultant and he wants to repeat the fibroscan on the 1st of May this year. If the readings have not dropped to below 8 - mine was 8.4 then a biopsy will be taken of my liver to see if I have developed either medically induced sclerosis of the liver or to see if the cancer has decided to attack there. Fingers crossed and prayers offered up to whomever your God may be that the readings have dropped, as low as they possibly can go. I have also developed borderline type 2 diabetes and high cholesterol... Oh the joys. I follow the weight watchers diet, not to too much avail as the tablets I have to take put weight on me... I am currently losing 1lb every two weeks. I guess it all adds up to something in the end and at least I am losing and not gaining the extra pound.
As you will all be aware, I retired last year from my teaching career, something else cancer stripped from me. However I have now set up a small art studio in what was my daughter's bedroom and now paint on a daily basis. I am actually loving it. I have sold a number of pieces and the money in the paypal account is growing, that will be donated between two hospitals, St. Vincent's - directly to their breast cancer research department and to St. Luke's who care for all cancer patients. Two amazing hospitals with an amazing team of consultants, doctors and nurses. 
Anyway, moving on to a much more positive note. I ended my previous blog whist sailing home on the Stena Adventurer. I had been home to Wales for a Weeks visit during the summer. When I got back home here in Ireland I settled back in and once again at the end of the summer, here on the Maples, in our small cul-d-sac we held, what is now becoming, our yearly get together. Once again Elaine enjoyed herself a little too much and went down the bouncy castle slide with neighbour Mark. Gerry had given in at this point and come in, I was not too long behind him and had the assistance of Jennifer and Tanya on the way home... *groan* sorry girls... again! A great time was had by us all, and Seamus had built a boules pitch which we made good use of... I think we should try making use of that minus the alcohol again soon. During the afternoon, Jen and I were talking about holidays. I had told her about the holiday my parent's had booked. My Mum had asked if Gerry and I would go on holiday with them as they would be travelling to the other side of the world, naturally I had said I doubt it very much. Jen told me how she was so happy that she and Mark had taken the time out to go on holiday with her parents, as sadly, it was the last holiday she had with her father who unfortunately passed away later that year. Gerry and I spoke about this and decided that we would go on holiday with my Mum and Dad. The next morning I rang them first thing and asked if they would like gatecrashers on their holiday. It was a holiday of a life time, Bali, Vietnam, Bangkok, Singapore. A whole week in Bali, flight to Singapore, boarding the Mariner of the seas and visiting Vietnam and Bangkok before the return to Singapore and then the flight back home. We booked, paid in full, and now had something amazing to look forward to in February of 2018. For me, it could not come quick enough.
Gerry and I fitted another county in on our bucket list challenge to visit every county in Ireland and went to Roscommon. We stayed in Keenan's boutique hotel in Termonbarry and loved it. We travelled all around Roscommon and it is one that I will definitely tick off as worth a second, third and fourth visit.
In October I celebrated my 51st Birthday, a very quiet affair with my family. The following week was Halloween, and this year I decided to once again terrify the neighbourhood. I made my costume and hid behind my front door dressed as Maleficent. Yep it worked... and once again we had a good few sweets left to eat ourselves.... What was that I was saying about weight watchers.
We were now on the run it to Christmas, summer had come to an end, weather got colder and Christmas planning was well under way. This year we would be staying here in Ireland. It would just be the four of us. It was a peaceful and quiet Christmas, too quiet really, but enjoyable all the same. We had our usual Christmas feast and they boys had a combination of gifts and money. It was very different as this year was the first time that we did not have Amy here with us. She had to work either side of Christmas Day so was unable to make it over. That was not very easy as either a parent or for her brothers to deal with, but deal with it we did, after all, Amy has flown the nest and lives her own life now. Christmas went by and Gerry and I paid a visit to Limerick. Another county ticked off our list. 17 more to go.
During the build up to Christmas I had changed a number of things in my life. In September I joined a meditation group that helped me so much in developing my more positive outlook on life and helped me to overcome and deal with difficulties, emotions and worries. In October I joined a group of fun loving people when I decided to take up reading the Angel Cards and Mediumship. Something that has always been and attraction for me and now I am loving every minute. I also dedicated a lot of my time to painting and created a number of pieces for a number of people. They have ranged from paintings for studios, to paintings for individuals in their homes, paintings inside pendants creating jewellery and signs for peoples doors. I have also taken up working with resin too. I am finding this creativity really does help in supporting a very positive attitude and outlook. It gives you a sense of pride and achievement. It also aids as therapeutic, and helps with relaxation. I have also taken to collecting and painting pebbles and filling them with positive energy. I personally find that they help me when meditating and make lovely paperweights on a desk. 
Besides these, I have used some of the resin pieces to create book marks and small keyrings. the creativity in me at the moment is just overflowing and I am loving it. I was very lucky to be asked to paint a picture of somewhere local to Wicklow and donate the painting to a charity evening as a prize. Casey O Connor is raising money for a Lourdes trip that she attends. She goes as a helper to assist children with special needs and ill health on their yearly pilgrimage. A charity and cause that I feel is very well worth supporting. I chose to paint a watercolour of the 'Black Castle' in Wicklow. It is yet to be framed ready for the fund raising night at the end of March. I am happy with how it has turned out. I just hope that whoever wins it will be just as happy with it.
Christmas and January flew by, our trip to Limerick flew by and February finally arrived, Gerry the boys and I were packed all ready to leave on the last weekend of January. However you have heard the saying, "The best laid plans of mice and men!" A spoke was royally put into our plans and the holiday looked as thought there was the possibility that it would not go ahead as planned but minus two people. The week prior to us travelling to Wales, my Father was taken ill with a mild heart attack. I travelled home a week earlier with my older son Joe, while Gerry and Jimmy remained behind to finish college and work as planned. They would be joining us the following weekend. Dad was hospitalised and kept in or a few days. I remained at home with Mum helping her as much as I could. Finally dad was given the all clear to come home. The consultant had also given him the go ahead to go on the holiday as long as he took it easy. The insurance company was informed and all was put in place so that Mum and Dad were covered for all eventualities. The holiday was back on track. Amy was once again unable to come with us due to her work commitments which was an awful shame. Gerry and Jim arrived and we relaxed as we looked forward to our holiday. It was 8 years since we last had a foreign holiday, this was going to be a total adventure. 
On The first of February we flew from Manchester to Singapore. It was a very long twelve and a half hours flight. We arrived at Singapore and had two hours before our flight to Bali. Shattered and slightly crabby we had to find our way to gate 47. Luckily I had secured airport assistance for my Dad, and my Lord, was I glad I had done. Mum and Dad were in a golf buggy and taken to gate 47. It was very hot, we were dressed in winter clothes having flown in from a cold climate and we now had to find gate 47. Thankfully there were travellators along the route from the arrivals lounge to the departure lounge. The airport was amazing. It was huge, and immaculately clean. Gate 47 was literally miles away. It was a 40 min walk from one part of the airport to another. On two occasions we were met by signs... 'Gate 47 is 20 min from this point' then 10 min later 'Gate 47 is 10 min from this point'. We finally reached the gate and located my Parents. Understandably they were getting worried as to how long it was taking us to get there. Had I known that it was so far, I would have paid for a golf buggy quite happily. Now I was hot, tired, crabby and looking forward to getting to our final destination. I was desperate for a shower and a damn good sleep, as were we all.
We finally boarded the connecting flight to Bali. Mum and Dad were on a coach and we were in a taxi. My first impressions of Bali.... I loved it. There was a sort of relaxed madness about it.
There are about 5 million people in Bali and the same amount of scooters, they are everywhere and it appears that driving licences for them are awarded via a lucky dip. They were everywhere, going in every direction and carrying anything from 1 to five people at a time, and not a helmet in sight. It was amazing to see, it was like being at a nationwide scooter rally. We arrived at the hotel, and allocated our room, only to find that it should not have been allocated to us at all as it was still under maintenance. We were switched to a family villa with it's own swimming pool. What a bonus that was. It was beautiful. Some felt the hotel was 'dated' but it was just how I imagined hotels in Bali to be. Yes it was one of the older hotels, not the cold all 'brass and glass' look. We settled in and made great use of the pool. We had an excellent guide called Sumantra. He and a driver took the six of us across the Island of Bali we visited so many different places. The coffee plantation was excellent, as were the amazing temples, the volcano, the silversmiths, monkey forest, the wood carvers, the art gallery, the beautiful restaurant, paddy fields and small villages.
It was at the coffee plantation that I tried my first ever cup of Luwak coffee. Now I hear you ask, "What is Luwak Coffee?" It certainly is a coffee with a lot of difference. The Luwak, is a Civet Cat. Personally I thought it looked more like a ferret than a cat, but it is considered a cat. The Luwak love coffee beans. Not just normal coffee beans, but only the very best of coffee beans. This cat can sniff out a good coffee bean from a hundred paces. It eats the bean in its shell. The shell is digested but not the bean. The Luwak passes the bean in it's excrement. Yes, you actually have people who harvest the beans from the centre of piles of cat shit. These beans are washed and then roasted. They are then grounded into coffee powder. I thought about it and thought... "In for a penny, In for a pound! Sure I will try it". What a fantastic up of coffee it was. delicious to say the least. 
Well I guess I can tell everyone that I have actually consumed a CATPOOCCINO. Would I drink it again? Yes without a doubt. There were not only coffees there but an amazing array of teas. I came home very well stocked up. I even have some Luwak here at home. Lovely. Sumantra was so full of knowledge of the history of the Island. He is Hindu - the main religion of Bali. He explained all about the religion, the history, way of life of the Balinese people. He really did make the holiday for us. It is a peaceful country, with genuinely gentle and peaceful people. The culture and religion are one of promoting peaceful living, tolerance of others, harmony. The pace of life is slow and gentle. It has only two seasons, the wet season and the dry season both very hot, the wet season very humid. If I was to be able to go anywhere in the world it would be Bali without a doubt. Here I am adding some photographs of the beauty of Bali. I hope that you enjoy them. Peaceful and stunning are only two of the many positive words I can use to describe this heaven on earth.
All too soon it was time to pack up and return to Singapore. Once again Mum and Dad were on the coach and we had a taxi booked. The taxi forgot to pick us up. The hotel were amazing and got a member of staff to take us to the airport. We were there in no time. We dashed through to the departure lounge all looking tanned and relaxed, but with a tiny bit of panic inside thinking that we were not too far away from missing the flight. We found Mum and Dad, checked in our luggage and headed for a seat. Thank goodness for air conditioning, even with it on it was still warm enough to make you perspire. Airport assistance took Mum and Dad and put them both onto the plane, we followed soon afterwards. The food on this flight was not as great as the two previous flights. We ate it all the same because at this point we were all quite hungry. We landed in Singapore two and a half hours later. We caught a cab and headed to our hotel. We had the rest of the day in Singapore one night and we were boarding the ship at three pm the next day. 
In comparison to Bali, Singapore was an absolute hive of activity. It is a truly cosmopolitan city with top end boutiques, restaurants and hotels, It was also ridiculously expensive. A gin and tonic (a glass of gin and tonic) would set you back in 20 Singapore dollars in one hotel €12 or £11. While a bottle of Baileys in duty free cost... Wait for this, you might need to sit down, It cost 130 Singapore Dollars Which is equivalent to €80 or £72 and that was in duty free. I was going to buy a bottle of Yellow Tail Wine whilst there. Singapore is much closer to Australia than we are, therefore it
should, logically speaking, cost less than here as Yellow Tail is an Australian wine. Nope... that would set you back by €36 or £32. I think many people must be tee-total out there. We did not let this dampen our holiday, we weren't drinking too much anyway, but the prices were crazy. We found a lovely restaurant that evening and had an early night. We had a busy day boarding the ship the next day.
Morning arrived very quickly. We took our cases and headed to the coach that was taking us to the dock. The bags were taken from us and the next time we would see them would be in our cabins aboard the Mariner of the Seas. There was a lot of queueing to check onto the ship. You had to check in according to the deck on which your cabin was allocated. This meant that we were split up as we were all allocated cabins on different decks. Mum and Dad on Deck 8, Joe and Jim deck 7 and Gerry and I deck 6. We checked in and boarded the biggest vessel I have ever laid eyes on. It was beyond amazing. We found each other once on board. We all had the sense to go to our cabins and ring through to each other.
Mine and Gerry's cabin and Joe and Jim's were looking out over the Parade. This was the main thoroughfare of the vessel. It was like having an apartment looking down over the centre of Dundrum shopping centre. Mum and Dad had a cabin with a balcony over looking the bluest sea. It was a bit bigger so we all met up there. They were both very tired so I left them in the cabin and went to book the excursions for when we docked in both Vietnam and Bangkok. When on board we spend the days on the deck tanning and swimming in the salt water pools. We also spent lots of time in the Jacuzzis on deck to. It was so utterly relaxing. I spent my time reading, strolling around the ship but definitely not shopping. I popped into one of the shoe shops on board, but the $5000 (American Dollars) price mark was a little off putting. It is no surprise therefore that we hardly ever saw anybody shopping in them. The weather throughout the entire holiday was remarkable. Hot, Sunny and just totally fantastic. In the evenings we ate our meals in the Top Hat and Tails restaurant. It was beautiful. Another thing I can, without doubt say, was that for this entire holiday, not one single meal was in any way unpleasant. The food was delicious. I mean totally delicious. We were at sea for two nights and a full day before we docked in Vietnam. It was a shame that we only had one day here. I would have loved to have spent more time exploring Ho Chi Min however the tour that we were booked on was lovely. Once again we were given an in depth history with visits to a palace, war museum, temples, a lacquer factory, a restaurant and also given time to go shopping. Ho Chin Min was not the cleanest of cities with litter everywhere, however that did not take from the sense of mystery and excitement that you picked up from the place. It had its own strange beauty. Dad decided to brave it here and try eating a giant snail. I heaved continually as he chewed and heaved as he tried to swallow it. 
We returned to the ship at 5 that evening and headed to our cabins for a rest. We were all very tired. It had been a long day. We all showered and got ready for our evening meal in the restaurant. The ships departing time was delayed as one of the coaches had been caught up in traffic and did not get back to the ship before 9:00pm. We went for a drink after our meal and Mum and Dad headed back to their cabin. The boys headed off to theirs and Gerry and I took a walk around the ship then went for another drink. We were all so tired. The travelling, walking and heat all contributed to the fact that at the end of each day we were utterly exhausted. We had a full day at sea again the following day and spent it lying in the warm sun, soaking up the vitamin D with our factor 50. I was in and out of the water in the pool and claimed a great spot in the jacuzzi where I had full view of the massive on deck cinema screen that showed the latest releases. 
Mum sat with me just enjoying the luxury of being able to lie in the sun and not have to do a thing other than read our book if we wanted to. Dad took himself to his cabin for his daily rest while Gerry and the boys explored the vessel. It was lovely but very busy on board. I suppose with over 4000 on board it is not easy to find a quiet spot. We did not have late nights on board as the energy needed for the days out was phenomenal. We docked in Bangkok at 8:00am the following morning. Once off the boat we climbed onto our coach trip, this one was a struggle. It was a three hour drive to the sites that we were seeing. One of the sites being the Temple of the Golden Buddha. What they did not tell us was that there was a 4 mile walk once the coach dropped you off. This was a dreadful struggle for us all, so I can only imagine what my father felt like. We finally got to the temple there were at 
least 15 coach loads from our ship alone. There were hoards of locals who were there for Chinese New Year and passengers from another shop also docked the same time as us. It, in all honesty was a disaster. The heat was crippling, the crowds, crushing and at this point I had about as much interest in seeing the golden Buddha as I had for sticking needles in my own eyes. 
Looking at my Parents, I could see that both of them were worryingly exhausted. We found the tour guide and I asked her for the next stop address on our tour. She gave me the information and Gerry and I virtually lifted and threw my parents into tuk tuks... Now if the walk hadn't killed them then the tuk tuk was going to give it a good go... what an experience. Gerry was in the tuk tuk with Mum holding onto her as she slid further and further out of the seat as it whizzed in and out of traffic, in front of on coming buses at speeds that would have your eyes watering. In the meantime I was in a tuk tuk with my Dad holding onto him for dear life in order that he did not physically leave the tuk tuk and become airborne. Unfortunately this sort of situation does nothing to help me from keeping my sick sense of humour at bay and tears of laughter rolled down my face as we stared death in the face. What a truly exhilarating experience. We climbed out of the mini death traps and stood on very wobbly legs. We made our way down to the small jetty where we were boarding one of the most unstable boats I have ever been on. Yet another most amazing experience. We met the rest of the party and we boarded a very rocky boat. We then visited another temple, the kings barges and then went to a lovely hotel for a buffet lunch. This was followed by a return to our coach. We drove to a large jewellery outlet that sold the most beautiful pieces of jewellery I have ever seen. I purchases a lovely jade elephant encased in silver. We boarded the bus after the trip, having misplaced Dad for a brief period. Thankfully he returned and we were all soon heading back to the ship... another three hour coach trip. At the port we were glad to see a small market there. Somewhere to explore the next day. We returned onto the ship and relaxed for the evening. The following morning Gerry, Jim and I headed to the market and stocked up on all things Asian. Comfy elephant trousers, Buddha statues, and trinkets of all kinds. We were leaving Bangkok at lunch time that afternoon. We had another day and a half at sea, two full nights an docked back in Singapore at 9:00 am. We were all off the ship by 10 and on our way back to our hotel. We basically had two full days in Singapore as our flight home was two in the morning on the Saturday morning. It was now Thursday morning. We spent our time sight seeing and enjoying the delights that Singapore held. Did you know that chewing gum is illegal in Singapore? Yes illegal. you can get fined up to $5000 for having it. It is very noticeable too as there is not one single white blob of chewed gum on the ground. Not a bad law in my book. 
Well our holiday came to an end and we finally returned home to Wales and to Ireland. Mum is preparing for a hip replacement at the moment and we are all living like Eskimos here as heavy snows have reduced us to being house bound. 
Since our return we have celebrated Jimmy's 18th birthday for which Amy came home, we have re acclimatised to the cold weather and I am preparing to go back to Wales to care for Mum after her surgery. I am continuing with my paintings and classes and getting back into a routine. The heavy snow has put paid to Gerry and Joe returning to work, Jim has had days off college as it has been closed, but things are slowly returning to normal.
In a way, I am still floundering about in life, seeking for somewhere or something where I best fit. Looking for a replacement for my lost career but generally life is good. Things will fall into place in time. I just have to learn to be patient. I still suffer terribly with joint and general bone pain, chronic fatigue and lately bouts of unexplained abdominal pain with nausea, something I will have to get seen to this week. It will sort itself out soon I am sure of that. As I say generally life is really good. Thank you all once again for reading my blog. I am sending much love and positivity to you all. Until next time guys xx
