Following on from my last post 'Reclaiming Me from Cancer!' much has happened. I have now had three sittings for my mastectomy tattoo. It would have been completed at this stage, had I not decided that the final small area that needed finishing would have to wait. It was not the pain of the tattooing itself, I had at this point been in the tattooists chair for seven and a half hours, What had me make this decision was the fact that the area that needs colouring in, at this moment in time, is on the site of the left breast where the cancer was detected. For some reason, beneath that scarring, there lies a knot of nerves. The needles of the tattoo gun penetrated these nerves and that pain equated to that of having a number of back teeth with nerves exposed and someone prodding those nerves. It sent electric like shocks up my chest and into my neck, and down my ribs into my side. It caused me to jump, not disimilar to that of someone plugged into an electric socket. This last area will be completed in four weeks time. An hour tops, then it will be finished and displayed in all it's colourful glory. The tattoo is only part of what I have been through this last three months. Cancer has had a huge bearing on my life. It is something, I, like many others before me and many others to come, would not have thought that this 'blight' would ever enter their life. After all, there is no history of cancer in my family neither on my Mother or Father's sides. We don't have a history of heart disease or any other life threatening illness. My grandparents on my Mother's side lived into their 70's, my grandfather on my Father's side lived into his 60's but he had, a few years before, a nasty accident when a car bonnet fell onto his head. This had left a weakness that resulted in a brain aneurysm a few years later. My Grandmother on my father's side lived until the ripe old age of 102. So generally we have a fair bit of longevity in our family history. However, just like I broke the mould going to Uni, I broke the mould and brought cancer into the lives of us all. I never was one for 'following the rules!'
I have spent some time analysing my life this last three months. I have had to really sit back, regroup myself and ask myself what is important in my life. The answer to that one was naturally 'Being Alive'. But, what has 'Being Alive' meant? Well, it has meant that I have really become a very, very different person to what I was. As you will all know from much earlier blogs and those who know me, I was a bit of a 'party animal' I loved being in the thick of things, having more than the odd drink or two, often being quite loud and raucous with my 'pub buddies'. I was also a very dedicated teacher and put my all into my career and into the educational, social, emotional and psychological development of the pupils that I taught. I worked hard and I played even harder. I was, and still am, a dedicated Mother, Wife, Daughter, Sister, Aunt, Best Friend and Friend to many, I love my family and friends with every ounce of my being. I am now however, quieter, a watcher and a thinker, I have the time to sit back and analyse situations, people and life. I am now retired, yes, me, Elaine Murphy, a RETIRED school teacher. I love painting but would not yet have the courage to call my self an artist, yes, I truly love painting, writing stories and poetry. I love crafting. I spend time reading, travelling the country with my husband, tracing my family tree, meeting up once or twice a month with friends with whom I travel or visit the theatres and spend time in the countryside marvelling at the beauty that surrounds us. Something I have truly taken for granted in the past. I have taken up an interest in antiques and fine arts. I have a collection of the most amazing pieces of pottery and china. I am even going as far as to seek out a course in fine arts and antiques. I appear to have developed the 'eye' for spotting a rather lucrative deal.
It's An Age Thing!
(by Elaine Murphy)
As we get older, we start to see
Things of beauty we never thought to be.
The glint of the guilt around the edge of a rim
of pottery, crockery and things we would bin.
The feel of the wool in a thick woolly jumper,
The kind of garment we'd shake our head at and wonder,
Who in the world would want to wear that?
The thick Aaron jumper with the matching knitted hat!
Antique shops and car boot sales
Garden centres and thrift shop deals
Beauty in things we once thought quite tacky
Old or grubby, ugly or wacky.
I have reached that time, I am glad to say
where I see beauty in items I'd once throw away
The reason I feel is quite easy to see
That crockery, jumper, antique item is me
The time goes by and I age faster and faster
Is it now time I was put out to pasture?
I may look old, with hair that is grey
A wrinkle or two and nap during the day
But if you look closer, I am sure you will see,
That same old 'beauty' that once made me, ME!
I am writing this blog, as I sit on the Stena Adventurer, travelling back to my home in Ireland after my third tattoo sitting in Shrewsbury and a 10 day break at home with my Parents, Sister, Brother, Daughter, Nephew and Nieces in Wales. I have spent a lovely time with my Mum and Dad, I have spent valuable time with my Nephew Andrew, who is now my teacher when it comes to anything to do with technology. He is helping me and will hold the role as my 'personal shopper' when we both go out to buy my new PC that will have to be VR ready.... Oh Yes! Gaming is still a great love of mine.... once you lose that child inside you, you stop appreciating what is fun and good in life and take things far too seriously.
Technology
(by Elaine Murphy)
PS4, VRPC, XBOX 1, 4KTV
I know my stuff and like to play
on line games both night and day.
This tends to come as quite a shock
When I go to the store to update my stock
"May I help you Ma'am?" They say
"What can we do for you today?"
"I am looking for some advise
And to purchase something rather nice!
I want a new PC to play
VR Games for me today!:"
With a smile and stare he tries another ploy,
"Is this new PC for a girl or boy?"
I stare right back and raise my brow!
"It's for me young man
Can you help me now?"
Solving puzzles and shooting games
racing cars and flying planes
They are a source of joy for me
and feed my love of technology!
His look of shock is there to stay
as I reel off all the games I play
I may be grey and getting on
but PC games are lots of fun!
He look again and says "Seriously?"
and tries not to laugh deliriously.
I start to feel like an old fool,
Until he say to me "Oh Wow, That's Cool!"
I also spent time with my daughter Amy, who I am delighted to say is working hard, passed all her exams in college and now has the qualifications to take up a position in a salon providing the services for make up and hair. She is completing gel and acrylic nails in the near future, however her qualifications also give her the key to apply for jobs in the theatre as make up artist. I know this is where her passion lies and I hope and pray that a door will open for her in this line of work, creating for her a career that will go from strength to strength.
My two boys, Joe and Jim have sat their leaving cert and feel as though they have done well. They have both had a huge amount to contend with over the past two years and it has taken a toll on both of them. However they are both plodding on. Jim is hoping that his points get him onto a health care course while Joe is entering the world of work. Both boys will do well in whatever they decide to do as they both have their own drive and ambition, along with the support from both Gerry and Myself.
My two boys, Joe and Jim have sat their leaving cert and feel as though they have done well. They have both had a huge amount to contend with over the past two years and it has taken a toll on both of them. However they are both plodding on. Jim is hoping that his points get him onto a health care course while Joe is entering the world of work. Both boys will do well in whatever they decide to do as they both have their own drive and ambition, along with the support from both Gerry and Myself.
I have my three monthly oncology review tomorrow, Monday the 19th June 2017. I am a bit nervous about this one. I have developed severe pain in my right forearm, wrist and hand. Pain that is excruciating. I have felt lumps and bumps, that I am hoping are figments of my imagination. My God, this cancer has made me paranoid to say the least. There is a fear with every ache and pain that this cancer has made it's evil return. I am hoping with all my heart that I am wrong. I will find out more tomorrow and let you all know what the 'craic' is. Please God, the craic will be, me telling you all is well and organising a retirement do for friends and family.... fingers crossed eh!
Well folks, we are approaching Dublin Port now and I will soon be disembarking from this vessel. I wont post this up until after my oncology review tomorrow. In the meantime have a lovely evening my friend and family. Thank you for all being there for me always.
Monday 19th June
After waking up and worrying for the best part of the morning, we headed off to the hospital for my three monthly oncology check up. All is relatively well. Although the cancer markers are now at thirty, they are not worried until it goes above 40 or doubles, so right now, cancer wise, things are OK. I have been having this awful bone pain in my arm. Due to this pain, I am being refered to rheumatology and for a bone scan. It is hopefully a case of arthritis and tendinitis brought on by the medication I have endured over the past two years. A bone scan is to rule out cancer having spread to my bones. I am also going to be referred to a liver specialist as my liver has developed a lot of fatty areas due to chemo. So I will have yet another eye kept on me to ensure that my liver does not deteriorate any further. The positive side to this is that my liver has not deteriorated since this time last year. It is due to my liver function tests still being above average that they want a close eye kept on the liver to ensure that it does not become either cancerous or develop non alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver. Unfortunately the places that triple negative tend to metastise to are the liver, brain and bones. Now to wait for those appointments to come through. I have been put onto a different tablet, rather than anastrozole. I am to try to put up with he side effects for the next thee months and have been warned that the joint pain will likely become worse before it gets better. The new meds are Aromasin along with Ibuprofen for the pain both in Gel and tablet format and also a patch for my arm laced with lidocane.
Thursday - Sunday 6th - 9th July
This weekend was a weekend spent in Wexford - Camping. One of my friends, Mary, has opened up a public house and tea rooms in Arthur's Town. A few of us went down to Wexford to support Mary and help her in any manner that we could. Camping was something of an adventure with our toilet being in the middle of an open field. What an experience, but what fun with the girls celebrating Mary's new venture.
Mary is also having to face another difficulty, she too has very recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. This came as a dreadful blow. Two of us from the same circle of friends both diagnosed with cancer, I am one end of treatment as Mary starts hers. I along with all her older pals will be there for her during this awful time.
Tuesday 11th July - Tuesday the 19th July
Joe, Jim and myself returned to Wales for a weeks holiday and for me to return to Shrewsbury to Anna Garvey at Adorn Tattoo to complete my final section of my tattoo. Joe was also coming with me as he was going for his first ever tattoo. Our tattoos took place on the 13th July, the same day as Amy's 24th birthday for which I had booked a table in the Italian restaurant in Rhos-on-Sea. Joe sat for his tattoo like a real champ and is going to be going back in August for it to be completed. Jim and Andrew walked the length and breadth of Shrewsbury while Joe and I were having our art work carried out. I joined them later that afternoon, as Joe was in the chair for his work, so I drove the boys to PC world on the outskirts of Shrewsbury town centre. We managed to get back to Colwyn Bay just in time for Amy's birthday meal. A fantastic evening was had and all cousins made plans to go out together the following Sunday evening for a few pints.
Saturday 15th July
Diane (my sister) and I headed off to London for the day. We were going to go to meet up with Kate Peters, a photographer who is doing a project on women who have had breast cancer, mastectomies and covered the scarring with tattoos. We boarded the train at Colwyn Bay and headed off to Euston. We laughed most of the way there. Once there, London felt very 'intimidating' and a tad scary. We were getting a taxi from the station to Leyton where I would have a photo shoot for this project. The taxi was a bit late arriving and once he arrived, it was in a red car and not the usual black cabs, with a foreign national driving, some smart arse black cab driver shouted, "Stay together girls that is all I can advise you!" from across the street. Needless to say, both of us felt like we were being kidnapped and instructed my nephew, Diane's son, to track her phone so that everyone knew where we were. The cab had been booked through an agency, and a black cab driver, clearly with a dislike of foreign nationals had tried to cause a bit of bother. We arrived safely at our destination and the day went off brilliantly. We chatted to everyone, we had a lovely buffet lunch and the photography session was an absolute hoot. I had to be made up to look as pale as possible in order for the tattoos to stand out... that is exactly what they did do. I looked like a tattooed version of Casper the Ghost. All too soon it was time to dash out for the cab and our return trip. Our journey home took just under three hours and I did doze off for some time on the train. Diane and I had had a great day together once again a day filled with laughter. Talk about new experiences. The article will be appearing in two magazines, The Guardian Weekend (date unknown as yet) and a feminist magazine that goes by the name of 'Lady Beard'. That will be out in October in London.
The rest of our time in Wales flew by. I headed home on the following Tuesday, while the boys stayed on to have another week with their Grandparents, Sister, Cousins and Aunt and Uncle. They had a brilliant time.
Friday - Sunday 21 - 23rd July
The People's Art Exhibition took place in Stephen's Green this weekend and yes, after all the paintings that I have been doing, I got to exhibit them at the exhibition. I was also lucky enough to sell a painting, in fact I was delighted. I have had a lot of feed back from other artists, from a visiting artist from the UK, and an American artist who purchased one of my paintings. It was such a morale booster to say the least. Goodbye teacher - Hello Artist.
Tuesday 25th July
After attending the consultant in the liver clinic today, it is now clear that the combination of chemo and the tablets I am on, along with the amount of chemo I underwent, has actually damaged my liver by creating a lot of fatty residue. This has to be monitored as it has the potential to create a lot of health problems for me, including turning to cancer. This has come as a bit of a blow. In the oncology department they told me that the LFT's (Liver function tests) were elevated, but had not changed since September 2016, however the liver consultant states that this is fairly serious and wants to see me again in three months time. I had 12 vials of blood taken from my arm and all sorts of tests required to keep an eye on my immune system. To be honest, this is like another hurdle, a pain in the flaming arse hurdle. I have to lose weight, which I am well aware of, the tablets I am taking cause weight gain. I am in between a rock and a hard place and am feeling a tad sorry for myself at the moment, not to mention utterly pissed off.
Wednesday 26th July
A Dexascan for bone density was carried out today. I had the scan and the woman doing it was so helpful and explained so much to me and gave me other avenues to research regarding my diet. I did ask her if she was able to see anything on the scan to indicate if I have developed osteoporosis, but her response was that the results will be in with the doctor by the end of next week. She also said that there could be a possibility that they may be seeing more of me in the future.... JOY! Dexascans are fairly routine for people who have had chemo and are on meds as the bone density can lessen and bones become weaker due to osteoporosis brought on once again by the meds that are 'curing' you.
It has been a very busy couple of months for me with hospital appointments, trips to see my family, weekends away with my friend and the art exhibition. I am heading off with Hubby tomorrow to Roscommon as part of our journey around Ireland. The intention is to visit the 32 counties. We are well on our way to doing that.
Night night folks. Sleep well. Enjoy the rest of the week and have a good weekend, be safe, be healthy and be happy.
Monday 19th June
After waking up and worrying for the best part of the morning, we headed off to the hospital for my three monthly oncology check up. All is relatively well. Although the cancer markers are now at thirty, they are not worried until it goes above 40 or doubles, so right now, cancer wise, things are OK. I have been having this awful bone pain in my arm. Due to this pain, I am being refered to rheumatology and for a bone scan. It is hopefully a case of arthritis and tendinitis brought on by the medication I have endured over the past two years. A bone scan is to rule out cancer having spread to my bones. I am also going to be referred to a liver specialist as my liver has developed a lot of fatty areas due to chemo. So I will have yet another eye kept on me to ensure that my liver does not deteriorate any further. The positive side to this is that my liver has not deteriorated since this time last year. It is due to my liver function tests still being above average that they want a close eye kept on the liver to ensure that it does not become either cancerous or develop non alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver. Unfortunately the places that triple negative tend to metastise to are the liver, brain and bones. Now to wait for those appointments to come through. I have been put onto a different tablet, rather than anastrozole. I am to try to put up with he side effects for the next thee months and have been warned that the joint pain will likely become worse before it gets better. The new meds are Aromasin along with Ibuprofen for the pain both in Gel and tablet format and also a patch for my arm laced with lidocane.
Thursday - Sunday 6th - 9th July
This weekend was a weekend spent in Wexford - Camping. One of my friends, Mary, has opened up a public house and tea rooms in Arthur's Town. A few of us went down to Wexford to support Mary and help her in any manner that we could. Camping was something of an adventure with our toilet being in the middle of an open field. What an experience, but what fun with the girls celebrating Mary's new venture.Mary is also having to face another difficulty, she too has very recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. This came as a dreadful blow. Two of us from the same circle of friends both diagnosed with cancer, I am one end of treatment as Mary starts hers. I along with all her older pals will be there for her during this awful time.
Tuesday 11th July - Tuesday the 19th July
Joe, Jim and myself returned to Wales for a weeks holiday and for me to return to Shrewsbury to Anna Garvey at Adorn Tattoo to complete my final section of my tattoo. Joe was also coming with me as he was going for his first ever tattoo. Our tattoos took place on the 13th July, the same day as Amy's 24th birthday for which I had booked a table in the Italian restaurant in Rhos-on-Sea. Joe sat for his tattoo like a real champ and is going to be going back in August for it to be completed. Jim and Andrew walked the length and breadth of Shrewsbury while Joe and I were having our art work carried out. I joined them later that afternoon, as Joe was in the chair for his work, so I drove the boys to PC world on the outskirts of Shrewsbury town centre. We managed to get back to Colwyn Bay just in time for Amy's birthday meal. A fantastic evening was had and all cousins made plans to go out together the following Sunday evening for a few pints.Saturday 15th July
Diane (my sister) and I headed off to London for the day. We were going to go to meet up with Kate Peters, a photographer who is doing a project on women who have had breast cancer, mastectomies and covered the scarring with tattoos. We boarded the train at Colwyn Bay and headed off to Euston. We laughed most of the way there. Once there, London felt very 'intimidating' and a tad scary. We were getting a taxi from the station to Leyton where I would have a photo shoot for this project. The taxi was a bit late arriving and once he arrived, it was in a red car and not the usual black cabs, with a foreign national driving, some smart arse black cab driver shouted, "Stay together girls that is all I can advise you!" from across the street. Needless to say, both of us felt like we were being kidnapped and instructed my nephew, Diane's son, to track her phone so that everyone knew where we were. The cab had been booked through an agency, and a black cab driver, clearly with a dislike of foreign nationals had tried to cause a bit of bother. We arrived safely at our destination and the day went off brilliantly. We chatted to everyone, we had a lovely buffet lunch and the photography session was an absolute hoot. I had to be made up to look as pale as possible in order for the tattoos to stand out... that is exactly what they did do. I looked like a tattooed version of Casper the Ghost. All too soon it was time to dash out for the cab and our return trip. Our journey home took just under three hours and I did doze off for some time on the train. Diane and I had had a great day together once again a day filled with laughter. Talk about new experiences. The article will be appearing in two magazines, The Guardian Weekend (date unknown as yet) and a feminist magazine that goes by the name of 'Lady Beard'. That will be out in October in London.
The rest of our time in Wales flew by. I headed home on the following Tuesday, while the boys stayed on to have another week with their Grandparents, Sister, Cousins and Aunt and Uncle. They had a brilliant time.
Friday - Sunday 21 - 23rd July
The People's Art Exhibition took place in Stephen's Green this weekend and yes, after all the paintings that I have been doing, I got to exhibit them at the exhibition. I was also lucky enough to sell a painting, in fact I was delighted. I have had a lot of feed back from other artists, from a visiting artist from the UK, and an American artist who purchased one of my paintings. It was such a morale booster to say the least. Goodbye teacher - Hello Artist.Tuesday 25th July
After attending the consultant in the liver clinic today, it is now clear that the combination of chemo and the tablets I am on, along with the amount of chemo I underwent, has actually damaged my liver by creating a lot of fatty residue. This has to be monitored as it has the potential to create a lot of health problems for me, including turning to cancer. This has come as a bit of a blow. In the oncology department they told me that the LFT's (Liver function tests) were elevated, but had not changed since September 2016, however the liver consultant states that this is fairly serious and wants to see me again in three months time. I had 12 vials of blood taken from my arm and all sorts of tests required to keep an eye on my immune system. To be honest, this is like another hurdle, a pain in the flaming arse hurdle. I have to lose weight, which I am well aware of, the tablets I am taking cause weight gain. I am in between a rock and a hard place and am feeling a tad sorry for myself at the moment, not to mention utterly pissed off.
Wednesday 26th July
A Dexascan for bone density was carried out today. I had the scan and the woman doing it was so helpful and explained so much to me and gave me other avenues to research regarding my diet. I did ask her if she was able to see anything on the scan to indicate if I have developed osteoporosis, but her response was that the results will be in with the doctor by the end of next week. She also said that there could be a possibility that they may be seeing more of me in the future.... JOY! Dexascans are fairly routine for people who have had chemo and are on meds as the bone density can lessen and bones become weaker due to osteoporosis brought on once again by the meds that are 'curing' you.
It has been a very busy couple of months for me with hospital appointments, trips to see my family, weekends away with my friend and the art exhibition. I am heading off with Hubby tomorrow to Roscommon as part of our journey around Ireland. The intention is to visit the 32 counties. We are well on our way to doing that.
Night night folks. Sleep well. Enjoy the rest of the week and have a good weekend, be safe, be healthy and be happy.
